Hope you’ve been doing well. Welcome back to the campfire. It’s hard to say where I’ve been; I’d say moving very sharply from the mind into the body.

If you’re new here: welcome.

If you return: welcome back.

You should know by now where we are: in a dark forest grove, in the light of a lonely, bright campfire. Many, many souls are around you, though you see them now. Stay close to the fire.

Dawn is yet far.

Strange Times

What strange times we live in. Wars erupting left and right. And the left is right? Is the left right and the right left? As absurd as this phrase may sound, this seems to be one of the dominant thought-structures inside the collective psyche right now.

Didn’t they say that the end of the world comes when all becomes absurd? When meaning collapses into paradox. Or perhaps… that is when the world is born anew. When paradox becomes…

Meaning.

What is Beyond?

Before I even started venturing on this whole ‘spiritual thing’ I remember times during my teenage years when a concept began taking roots inside my young, still-developing psyche. This was the idea of ‘Beyond’.

I can’t tell you what is this ‘Beyond’ and I couldn’t tell you back then either. But the word itself simply fascinated me. Thinking back on those times now, it becomes clear that it seemed to be the first inception of what would later become my ongoing fascination with these deeper concepts I’m writing about here.

A ‘Beyond’ implies layers. It implies a front and a back. It implies an initial impression of something (like reality) and an additional, deeper understanding of it. While words are many, the truth of this is simple.

There is a beyond.

The Devil is in the Desert

The obvious has to be re-stated: nobody, in their right mind, would ever approach the spiritual path unless they were seriously sensitive and suffering at the same time. Our world seems to perfectly bring these two conditions together all the time.

I have walked this path for over ten years. Obviously you reach a point where the ‘spiritual path’ as a concept collapses entirely and becomes ‘just life’. The two become one and the same. I mean, that’s kinda the point.

And yet it can be a very lonely path indeed, especially when you become aware of and interested in notions such as consciousness, awareness itself, or anything related to Infinity/Deity and various other abstractions. It becomes an attempt to define what is ‘Beyond’ - a way to place words on top of it, in the hopes it may start to make sense.

What I’ve learned in the past three months is that a purely intellectual approach to these inquiries will likely hit a big, big, bad wall. Abstraction, thought and anything related to the intellect/Mind is a vast world and can bring one to dimensions of extreme complexity.

When these dimensions are properly investigated, they may lead to the beauty of Metaphysics, the highest realms that the intellect can aspire to. But in this grand journey there is a danger too: namely Pride.

A mind that reaches the farthest heights of abstraction and esoteric knowledge starts to become inflated automatically. It starts to become arrogant. Even when you cultivate humility to the best of your ability, this inflation still occurs. You can’t stop it. In Biblical/theological terminology, this is known as the ‘Luciferic Temptation’. This is the devil in the desert and it’s extremely real.

I have encountered this devil too and I can tell you, from very real personal experience, that listening to the temptation does, in fact, lead to Hell. But what does this mean, beyond century-old dogmatic Bible-bashing? It means that an arrogant intellect begins to have such thoughts as:

“If I can grasp Infinity/God/highest understanding of Reality, there is no reason why I shouldn’t have any and all pleasure.”

“I should always emerge on top because I can see/know what the majority can’t/won’t.”

“I’ve sacrificed years of my life to the pursuit of ultimate knowledge. Surely I must now be compensated adequately with wealth, pleasure, sex and status.”

“Ultimate knowledge should lead to sex, safety, pleasure, escape from illness, immortality, the love of everyone. Otherwise, what’s the point?”

And other similar ones, often cloaked in whatever pursuits you’ve undertaken in life. These pursuits are often (or always) responses to perceived lack. Whatever your personal trauma is, you’ll likely have developed goals in response to it. If you happen to become interested in such topics as spirituality, alchemy, theology, philosophy, metaphysics, etc. then you will likely relate to the above statements and will understand that, indeed, all knowledge comes with a price.

The devil awaits in the desert. Always.

Why? Because the temptation arises when the real suffering you’ve been trying to escape from catches up with you (that’s the desert). At that point, all knowledge is empty because all knowledge, even the most abstract, is made of words. Of language.

I sought God through language. And I have found parts of Him/Her/It for sure. You can absolutely find God inside language and when you do, you will also see the incredible beauty of it. That is, after all, the sign you’re going the right way.

But the beauty the mind can contemplate is only part of the overall picture of human life, and is by not ultimately satisfying.

The Somatic Experience

Okay, so where do you go? You go in the only place that’s left. The only place not made of language or thought: sensation itself. The phenomena we call the ‘body’.

There I discovered enormous tension.

Overwhelming tension is also known as pain. Notice that physical tension is a response to unwanted stimulus. When you get wounded, the body tenses by itself. It’s a protective mechanism, of course. But what’s interesting is that it does it even to perceive threat, be that physical or psychological. A bad word/insult can make you tense just as much as an incoming kick.

If you’ll begin to pay attention you’ll likely notice an ever-present sensation in the body which, for most of us, feels uncomfortable. This can range from mild discomfort that’s so ever-present you’ve completely stopped feeling it, to more severe forms of pain. The latter can (and are!) drowned out by various stimuli that make one return to the mind, such as overworking, drugs or just constant distraction.

If only the mind could provide some comfort! But the racing thoughts provide distraction, not comfort. And in the worst of times, they create Hell.

Useful resources

There’s much more to say about this, but for now I shall end it here and, instead, give you some nice, useful guidance if you wish to explore the pathway beyond the mind. This can only ever occur once you’ve truly exhausted its many, many, many, many temptations.

• Simply Always Awake by Angelo Dilullo (Beginner-Friendly and Advanced)

This guy is awesome and has been a great companion for me in recent months. He talks about Awakening and concepts such as Non-Duality in a completely honest, direct way with absolutely Zero spiritual/metaphysical/esoteric fluff. There are no weird rituals, no strange techniques or mantras.

He references Hindu, Zen and Buddhist philosophy because this is where these concepts emerge from but you don’t have to know anything about these to appreciate what he’s got to say. He doesn’t care about convincing you or teaching you or anything. He just talks about his experience and brings Awakening from Duality, once an esoteric, mystical concept, into the realm of everyday life.

Spotify Link

Youtube Link

Angelo also has a book if you’d like to support him and does various online and in-person retreats. I highly recommend his work.

The approach of the people mentioned above is also notably found in Eckhart Tolle’s work The Power of Now. He is nowadays world-famous and for good reason. I keep re-reading his book and I find in it the same value I did when I first discovered it over a decade ago.

In addition, the great, ancient discipline of Tantra also covers the same ideas, but they tend to be cloaked in more esoteric terminology and practices. This is old wisdom for which I have great respect and its aura of secrecy can either really attract or repel you, so choose according to your own inclinations. My advice? There’s no reason not to familiarise yourself with both the ancient and modern approach.

I will share more on this topic as I also familiarise myself further.

Conclusion

Thanks for taking the time to read this and return here, to the campfire. I’ve been writing a lot more slowly because, as I said, I’ve been spending more time with pure sensation, rather than mind.

I have also entirely abandoned social media and its endless, devouring hunger for ‘content’. More and more and more content. Gods have mercy.

Anyway, I’m currently working on another place to preserve and showcase my art on this website. In the meantime, if you’re interested in what I do, you can check out my portfolio HERE. I also do commission work, if you need something mythologically appropriate for your living-room wall.

I see there’s new faces among you. Welcome to the campfire. You are among others whom you cannot see, because it’s night-time and all is dark. You can barely see anything around you but you’re inside the clearing of a huge forest and trees surround you on all sides. In the middle there is only one campfire.

You are welcome here, to sit and rest. Contemplate the night carefully but try not to jump at shadows. Things move among the trees. I… don’t quite know what they are, either. But I’m trying to figure it out, slowly. One day at a time.

Because dawn is yet far.

Far indeed.

Where I’ve been

I’ve been inside, mostly. As per my last episode, I told you how my life took strange, frightening turns and, at the same time, it was all my choice to turn to it.

The mind is useless here in this space. I cannot turn to it because every time I do there is only… mmm, okay to sound less dramatic than my usual: unhelpful thoughts and images. There, that’s a soft answer.

We are used to turning to the mind for solutions to perceived problems. This is very useful in the world because it allows us to build things. As you may have noticed, the mind hasn’t stopped building things for… ehm, quite a while. Look at the cities we live in and the machines we surround ourselves with. To write I don’t move any pen or quill - I press buttons. Like, what!?

Imagine telling that to the scribes of old. Those who wrote down our collective knowledge and preserved our memory.

We go back a long time. I think we don’t have a beginning. And we have no ending, either. But we do have transition, both within and without. Both here and there, both at the level of man and at the level of the cosmos itself.

Remember always: As above, so below.

For me it all started with a question: what if one just stops running from the pain? And by ‘pain’ here I mean also the fearful thoughts that assail us on a daily basis and create the entire movement of the human engine? Because pain pushes us towards a solution or a balm, so it literally moves us to ‘do’ things, pursue goals and accomplish dreams and desires.

And this entire movement is what history has been and will be. It’s not a linear thing. It’s not a string. It’s a wheel, ever turning. This is why the times of Krishna, Buddha, Jesus and others may seem different and ancient to us, but it was still only yesterday. And it will be tomorrow, too.

So they all point within, right? All the great teachers and sages point inside. The Kingdom of Heaven is within. But the Tao that can be spoken of is not the eternal Tao.

What do you find within?

“Krishna says: "Arjuna, I am the taste of pure water and the radiance of the sun and moon. I am the sacred word and the sound heard in air, and the courage of human beings. I am the sweet fragrance in the earth and the radiance of fire; I am the life in every creature and the striving of the spiritual aspirant.”
― Bhagavad Gita

Within you find sensation or feelings or various bodily functions/noises etc. Right? But this ain’t quite right either because I’m looking again at language to describe something but that’s not it. Indeed, the Tao (the ‘Way’) that you can talk/describe/explain is not the eternal Tao.

Basically: using language to relate to it is missing the point.

Okay fine. So what’s beyond language? Well here is where the sages just shut up, smile and remain in their meditation posture for the next twenty years. Which is fair enough. But since I’m here telling you all this I have to use language.

The closest I can come to describe it is through the word ‘sensation’. What remains inside is sensation, and it’s often heavy. At times it’s subtle. Now what you’ll notice, if you’ve been paying attention to life, is that the fulfilment of all your needs, wants and desires usually brings about a ‘feeling of peace/joy/pleasure’. Essentially, it’s a change in the sensation from ‘heavy/uncomfortable’ to ‘pleasant/comfortable’ and at higher levels we encounter what we term as ‘ecstasy’. Beyond even that, they say, there is a peace unlike any we’ve ever felt.

If we want to use this model of layers, then obviously it goes also the opposite way into depression, guilt, dread, etc. So it’s as if these are the opposite ends of a wide spectrum of sensation.

David Hawkins, one of my most trusted teachers who has accompanied my journey for the past decade, has mapped this spectrum into what he calls the ‘Scale of Consciousness’, going from the lowest to the highest. For the sake of modern man’s obsession with numbers, logic and calculation, he has also attributed a numerical value to each stage.

It is as follows:

The lowest starts at 20 (probably because at 0 there would be no sense of self) and goes all the way up to 1000, which is a state, he says, that is only reached by the great Avatars (Buddha, Krishna, Jesus, etc).

For more detailed info on this check out his books Letting Go (2012) and Transcending the Levels of Consciousness (2015).

The upwards climb

Historically there is an upper trend in the evolution of the human species. Right now because of the prevalence of technology, our level of wealth and focus on scientific progress as well as linear logic and rationality, we are collectively somewhere in the 200-300. Though, of course, there are vast areas of the world that still operate below 200, which Hawkins calls the level of integrity. At this level there is a somewhat basic care and attention for ourselves, other beings, animals, the planet, ecology/nature, etc.

The level of Non-Dual perception is numbered at 670, which is already, I’d say, a pretty far out experience for most people. It is vastly incomprehensible already as at that point language starts to break down. Anything past 700/800 is not even imaginable.

A great way to understand this is by thinking back when you were baby or small child and, if you have memories from back then, try to remember how you felt about the world of adults or even elders. It was basically a different dimension.

Hawkins also says that he capped it at 1000 because it’s the maximum level possible in the human domain. But consciousness continues on to infinity, past layers, dimensions and worlds that cannot even be alluded to.

Okay, fine - so what? So we have a map and general direction, but let’s return to the sensation. One may rightly ask: “how do I move upwards?” Well, that’s what your life journey is about. That seems to be the point and, perhaps, the point of your so-called ‘soul’ journey too, incarnating numerous times, life after life, to learn lessons and move upwards.

Yes, but how? So here the point: you can’t fight your way up the scale. You can’t ‘do’ your way to advanced realisation, but you can Do your way out of lower levels such as apathy, grief, anger, depression, etc. This is the entire self-help field: change your diet, exercise, get a job, etc. This is all well and good but there are points when that stops working because you will be confronted with deeper, repressed tendencies, beliefs, emotions, traumas and, at higher levels, even metaphysical questions about identity, meaning, volition, etc.

You don’t need some high theology or occult knowledge for this. Hawkins gives some good, simple pointers valid at all levels:

1. Be kind to everything and everyone, including oneself all the time, without exception

2. Revere all life in its expressions, no matter what, even if one does not understand it.

3. Presume no actual reliable knowledge of anything at all. Ask God to reveal its meaning.

4. Intend to see the hidden beauty of all that exists - it then reveals itself.

5. Forgive everything that is witnessed and experienced, no matter what. Remember Christ, Buddha and Krishna all said that all error is due to ignorance.

6. Approach all life with humility and be willing to surrender all mental/emotional arguments or gain.

7. Be willing to forego all perceptions of gain, desire or profit and thereby be willing to be of selfless service to life in all of its expressions.

8. The most powerful tool in the province of the will is devotion.

Ultimately, ascent is made through surrender. So going back to sensation, one must stop all interpretations and descriptions of what is felt. Do not rely on the mind’s endless stories about what is felt and why. Simply be with it, forgive it and offer it presence and space.

What else is Love but infinite allowing? If we take the word/symbol known as ‘God’ to mean Love and Truth then, perhaps, we can come to understand that the foundation of Reality itself is God because it implies a Love so great that it allows the entire spectrum of consciousness to exist and manifest: from the greatest darkness, past the demonic horrors of the underworld, through the canyons of sadness, loss and despair and then above, climbing the great mountains of bliss, of Heavens beyond description.

“All is an expression of Divinity as Creation - all is equally sacred and holy.”

For now, that’s all I have.

Blessings,

If you’d like to check out more of my work on Myth and the Mind I invite you to peruse the Grammaticon (Greek Mythology), the Rune Series (Norse Mythology) or the rest of my blog.

It’s been a while. Again. I’ve been busy dying.

I’ve also been busy understanding what that’s like. I will tell you a story, if you wish to listen. But stay close to the fire, for the cold is upon us and the solstice is behind.

And dawn is still far away.

What happened?

It is said, and I happen to experientially agree, that life unfolds on many levels. On one level, let’s call it the ‘physical’, events happen. Circumstances change; things appear and disappear.

On another level, let’s call it the ‘mental’ (as occultists may relate), interpretations occur: the mind judges and categorises things. On yet another, the ‘emotional’, energies move; feelings are felt.

On yet another, higher still, energies and forces interact in ways that are beyond the intellect’s understanding. This, we may call the realm of ‘karma’, where consciousness dances movements that are the same, I believe, as the movements of the cosmos itself. Where stars dying and planets forming are merely physical expressions or effects of these phenomena.

On the physical level, circumstances forced me to change my house, to relocate to another place. This ‘house’ however, was a home - the first one I truly ever had. A ‘home’, as you well know, is an abstraction - it’s a concept that lives on the mental and emotional levels. By this I mean that you ‘feel’ a home, you don’t live simply in a space - the physical space is the outer shell protecting the core which is emotional/energetic.

Anyway, being forced to leave it behind felt like death. Because it was. Of course, it wasn’t the only one either.

Home aside, I’ve been feeling this dreadful pull of anxieties and fears all throughout the past year. On one level, they were mostly associated with various practical things I’ve been trying to achieve. These things involved my art, my business, my way of surviving inside a world that seemingly became increasingly more indifferent to my existence as an artist and creative (AI is one example I’m sure many creatives can relate to; for despite us creating for ‘art’s sake’, we are still human and have strong needs to feel appreciated, seen and valued by a collective).

The fears spoke of ‘failure’. This ‘failure’ happened. And it was nowhere as dramatic as I thought it would be, but it somehow happened. I think. I’m frankly still not sure, but it feels like something came to an end. Something died, kicking and screaming.

Now I seem to have lost many of the previous ambitions and drives that pushed me forward into the future. My dreams, hopes and aspirations are… gone. My visions for the future are gone. There is, in fact, no more future. There is no more vision.

All is dead.

The meaning of Death

It sounds overly dramatic, but what this translates into is a collapse, perhaps, of illusions (some conscious, some not) that kept me ‘going’. There is no more future to look forward to. There are no more plans, no more ideals, no more aspirations. There is nothing that I’m ‘looking forward to’ anymore. There is nothing that I want to achieve, strangely enough.

Perhaps I will write another book. I am almost sure I will, but the drive to do it in order to get something out of it, or for the world to suddenly love me ‘because of it’ is gone.

So what is death? It is peculiarly enough both an ‘ending’ and a ‘transition’ at the same time. I think, at higher levels, concepts such as ‘life’ as opposed to ‘death’ become meaningless. Is death ‘pleasant’? Is it painful? Is life? Are they both not the same things? When you stop struggling and let go, perhaps they do become one.

I have struggled to let go and surrender to the process, as all humans throughout history have, but as I stated before, Faith has been my only guiding light. And it still is, in the absence of a future.

When the future dies, the mind sees only ‘darkness’ ahead - by this I mean that the lack of vision or goals appear as ‘darkness’ because there is seemingly nothing there. At least nothing the mind can see. No mind likes this, because the ability to control and predict is actively diminished. This means that survival is put into question. And ‘survival’ is the same thing as the ‘future’.

I have noticed just how much suffering arises whenever survival comes into play. The recent AI news is an example of this, one that we can all relate to because it’s so prevalent: AI will take your job and replace you. But if your survival/future is completely removed from consideration, then what’s there to worry about?

The spiritual path, as well as (Socrates would say) philosophy, is a preparation for death. Plato says through him:

“Those who practice philosophy in the right way are in training for dying and they fear death least of all men.” (Phaedo)

I wrote much more on this subject through the letter THETA in the Grammaticon. You can find it HERE.

So what now?

Well now I find myself in a new home. Things have settled. The new place is actually a lot more quiet and surrounded by nice, quiet houses close to the edge of the city. I also have a garden. Quite symbolic.

But this change isn’t enough, and I feel it has to extend further, also into my art and my relationship to it. I think it has to extend into my very identity itself. I feel, at the moment, disgusted with various ‘chambers’ of the internet, such as all social media and most forms of ‘content’. This could all be perception and projection but, even if it is, I can’t just ignore it and carry on as usual.

But most importantly I need to be completely and entirely honest with myself. It seems that as I progress on this path, evolve and grow, something akin to complete honesty becomes not only important but as necessary as air. Art and creativity have to become completely aligned with a deeper truth within the ‘Soul’, as cliché as that sounds - it’s experientially true.

Concluding

I said that Vision was dead.

And yet…

Vision is required to see that Vision is dead.

As Shunyamurti says: “As you approach the Real, things become increasingly hyper-paradoxical.”

These are, of course, the edges of the Mind. The fringes of linearity. And, perhaps, the end of Time.

I have no clue what comes next, nor is there any plan to make something specific happen. Maybe there’s freedom in this.

Blessings,

Hope you’ve been well. I’ve been busy, somewhat detached, quite afraid, somewhat happy, excited and inspired. I have also been feeling intense dread, anticipation of loss, grief and a sense of death. All these things together, coexisting every day. To be human is challenging, to say the least.

I’ve been writing less but that doesn’t mean I’m giving up on this space. The bonfire is too important. And it won’t go out.

For dawn is nowhere near in sight.

The Update

So I’ve been going through a difficult time: after the past 5 years lived inside a beautiful, sacred space, I had recently received the news that it was going to be taken away from me. The flat I’ve been living in is getting sold and am forced to move. Already, it’s a huge blow.

What followed was checking out the market online and it began getting worse: frightening rent costs and a lack of quality, especially compared to where I’ve been living here. All doors seemed shut.

I really mean this: the sensation was like that of feeling trapped, with no way out. Forever. A dreadful feeling. Perhaps practically untrue, but emotionally very true. And so this sensation took over the majority of the space in my awareness, also having other consequences on my health and my artistic inspiration.

What does this mean?

I like to try and translate life into symbol. Why? Because it is a symbol. But also because symbols, by their definition, hide something underneath. There are deeper layers. And, in fact, that is what Reality is, I believe: an infinity of layers.

So this period was and still is extremely dark. And yet the fears that arise aren’t only mine, personally - they are collective: fear of rejection, fear of homelessness, fear of loss, fear of death, fear poverty, fear of isolation.

All these are ancient forces. We have always had them, collectively and individually. They are felt by everyone and seem part of the human experience and its entire span of untold, incomprehensible millennia. I am not the first to feel them and won’t be the last.

Which also means that these fears are mythological. If we translate it into symbols they can take the shape of an ancient darkness. It is a darkness because we can’t see beyond it. I can’t see beyond this point: where will I live? What will I do? Will I make it? Will I now begin to hate my life because I feel a victim of an event outside of my control? Do you see what I mean? These are all questions without answers and that’s when the mind begins to panic.

This is the darkness.

And the only way through such a tunnel is by finding a source of light.

I do also make art - why not have a look?

What is the source of Light?

The only light I find is faith. And here’s something incredibly controversial to say: “Faith in God.”

But just. What. the Hell. Does. That. Even. Mean?

What God? The Christian God? Why? What are you talking about?

Well let’s not jump to conclusions. It is hard even for me to translate what that means, without explaining what I mean by ‘God’ - a concept I’ve been… immersed in, for a long time now.

God, essentially, seems to be a… perspective. Not an entity. It’s more like a portal into Infinity. It is Infinity, and by definition it is reality itself, everything you see around you, from the sunshine, to your middle finger, to the beauty of a sunset, to your favourite chair. That’s a bit overly inclusive, isn’t it? But it couldn’t be otherwise, because if it was it wouldn’t be infinite.

Theologically, we could say, all nightmares and horrors (which are also experienced in reality) are distortions of our view of God or/and ourselves.

That’s already enough to try and wrap your mind around, and you shouldn’t even try. The concept is extremely huge and not entirely comprehensible, frankly. But this is where I’m at with that so far.

Regardless, faith is the connection to that idea. To have ‘faith in God’ means to place the mind on a focus of conscious intention towards the idea that its interpretations may be wrong. That they may just be fallacious. False.

Or Untrue.

Truth then becomes a synonym to God. This is symbolic language.

It means that Truth is the deeper perspective, the deeper truth, the truer reality. This truer reality is ultimately loving and profoundly safe. This is what ALL Scriptures say.

But the mind has trouble believing it, because its present experience is one of anxiety, dread and fear. But, you see, that’s the point. It has to be this way, because Faith as a Choice (choosing to believe) would not be possible. Faith has to be a choice and for the mind (you) to choose there has to be duality, or polarities of possibility (for example Heaven and Hell).

Conclusion

So where is all of this going? Well, I just wanted to share some thoughts with you, ultimately. I don’t know. I don’t know what will happen. But it sure as hell is interesting.

Beyond all pain, there is a deeper truth.

That I am evolving.

And so are you. Because we are One.

Blessings,

I know it’s been a while. Frankly, this is a time when writing has been a lot more difficult for me, or rather it seems it’s going in different directions.

Likewise, the world itself is changing, shifting, turning and twisting, always in surprising new directions. Better stay close to the fire.

Who knows what will happen. And maybe that’s the point.

Punk Rock

'Punk Rock’ is a subgenre of rock music that emerged in the 1970s. You might wonder what does this have to do with anything, but hear me out. The main characteristic of this subgenre is a powerful need to defy conventions. It's a rebellion against societal norms and, therefore, musical norms too. The music is often loud, fast and distorted.

Basically, it’s the antithesis for how music was defined across the past… I don’t know, ever? Which is fascinating. Centuries upon centuries of clearly defined rules and expectations of what sound should be, but just about 50 years ago (less than a century), we have collectively decided to screw it all and make something different.

Punk Rock was appealing to my, and probably most, teenage minds. The pre-adulthood years seem to be collectively defined by a need to assert your own identity and that means, by definition, that it has to be something unique and different from all other identities around yourself - and so, rebellion is so common that it’s actually the norm.

But rebellion against what? Well, I suppose against the ways of thinking of most adults around you. That’s the gift of youth: the capacity and need to break all the rigid limiting boundaries that the collective ego has entrenched itself in, for decades. And Punk Rock is a representation of that.

It’s the middle finger to everything you think you and the world should be.

And there’s something cathartic about that.

Until it gets lost.

We’re losing something

I distinctly remember those years. I remember what I used to think and how I used to feel. I remember the anger, which isn’t gone, but merely transformed. And I’m wondering what happened to that rebellious spirit? Not just mine, clearly.

Now obviously I’m not talking about mindlessly rebelling ‘against everything’ and hating society and culture. I’m talking about keeping that spirit alive in your own life when you become entrenched in your own paradigms.

You see, I think what it’s easy to forget is that, as society and culture become rigid, unmoving and tyrannical, so do we. In fact, it’s the other way around: society becomes like that because we do. Because that’s what society is: people.

And I’ve noticed that within myself. I’m aware I am often slightly tyrannical with myself. What does that mean? It means holding myself and my output to extremely high standards out of fear. Because I fear what would happen if I didn’t.

How many more books do I have to write? How much art should I produce monthly? How many substack posts should I write? I’ve actually been feeling guilty for not keeping up with these over the past weeks. How often should I go out and socialise? How many new friends have I been making?

How much money should I be earning by this age? How many partners should I have had? And then, you know, comparison follows. And we all know that’s when everything goes to shit.

How does it happen?

These expectations become rigid. Maybe, as a functioning adult (heh!) you figure out some way to at least make sure you meet some of them. And then you have to sustain that, and so you figure out some habits you can have on a weekly basis. And then those habits become routine and routines become your invisible prison walls.

And so you forget all about rebellion.

Maybe you watch some cool movies about it, or still put on your favourite Punk Rock band from your youth. But by that point you’re bitter, stuck and you feel that time is going by too fast to do something about it. Then fears creep in, like shadows at the corners: fear of time, fear of poverty, fear of death.

There is no more rebellion. There’s only conformity. Because the opposite is worse. Something worse could happen. And, you tell yourself, I just can’t deal with it.

When you truly believe this, your friends start to. Then your neighbours. Then your city, then your country. Then the world. And thus, society becomes rigid and totalitarian, insisting that measures must be taken to ensure protection, defence and stability. As more and more of your freedom gets taken away from you by tyrannical governments, you become even more frustrated and angry.

I’m sure it’s not difficult for you to see this around you.

What is difficult is to recognise that the Orwellian dystopia starts within and all revolutions tend to bring about the same thing again, with a fresh coat of pain(t).

I don’t think I’m being cynical. This isn’t about hopelessness, but right direction. You already know that changing the outside yields little fruit unless you change the inside. Why?

Because they are the same thing.

More to come. Stay rebellious.

Blessings,

Want more Mythology? I’ve been busy continuing my series on Greek Symbolism intersecting myth, psyhcology, spirituality and metaphysics!

Check out the Grammaticon!

The latest entry looks at the story of Artemis, the wild feminine archetype and the meaning behind the eleventh letter of the Alphabet, LAMBDA!

It’s been a while. I apologise for dropping this one late again but there’s reasons for it, and I’ll walk you through them. It’s exciting, I promise, come, come… this way. Watch out, there’s branches on the ground. I know it’s dark, and the light of the fire is all we have.

Dawn is nowhere yet in sight.

If you are new here, I usually post these once a week, but it’s been August and it’s been busy and messy and life caught up with me. However, there is always the Archive to check out, which contains all my work so far and you may just find something interesting in there.

An Update

I’ve been writing A LOT. And I again need to reiterate how important it is to maintain a balance. I’ve been working on three different writing projects at the same time, which means being mentally immersed in three different worlds, with their own characters, histories and meanings.

First off, I’ve wanted to share with you a new project which I’ve been working on, about Maya Mythology. As you may already know from the title of this publication, Mythology is kinda my thing, and I wish to know and study all of it. So far, Norse and Greek have been my favourites, alongside a healthy dose of Biblical stuff too, but I almost feel like its complexity is daunting enough to take its place later on in my life.

I am left with Chinese, Japanese, Mesoamerican (Maya + Aztec) and Celtic/British. And there’s more, of course, but these are the ones that pull me the most right now. All these are entire worlds and contain histories spanning not centuries, but millennia. And in order to understand Mythology one must understand History.

Because History emerges out of Mythology. More on that concept Here.

Anyway, Maya Mythology has been calling me, because I’ve worked hard on finishing up my artwork series on Maya Gods (inspired by their wonderful designs from the videogame SMITE) - you can check out the full gallery Here.

And so I began a short (heh, hopefully) series, with three chapters already released, diving into the history of the Maya people and then examining their mythology from a mytho-poetic perspective. Basically combining myth with psychology. That’s sort of the main theme of my work.

Check it out here!

Aside from this, I’ve been studying Arthurian Mythology too, so the tales of King Arthur and his knights. These stories also involve Celtic Mythology (Irish and Scottish) and various other folklore stuff specific to the British Isles, which is where I live so it feels fitting that I should study the damn thing.

Anyway, this will translate in a few written works and one fictional retelling of King Arthur’s story inspired by an extremely obscure videogame called ‘King Arthur: The Roleplaying Wargame’ - a bit of a lame title if you ask me, but this game that nobody knows, plays or has even heard of, has some very interesting storytelling and design elements that have captured me. Because of the lack of info about it online, I thought it would be a pretty interesting experiment to try and re-tell its story in narrative form, because it has a blend of actual Arthurian myth plus various additions that are fascinating.

Alright, let’s get back to Crowley.

In the Previous Episode…

Last time we saw Aleister Crowley he was hanging out in Egypt, busy writing the main Scriptures for his own religion, Thelema. Relatable, right? Anyway, if you missed the previous episode, you can check it out HERE.

Crowley himself later stated that he actually resented the book, and probably the messages/instructions of the gods themselves as they were asking him to go find his own island and also translate his book in all the world’s languages. He called the voice of the gods by the name ‘Aiwass’, a sort of personal spirit/daimon-thing.

Crowley describes his interactions with Aiwass as such:

“The Voice of Aiwass came apparently from over my left shoulder, from the furthest corner of the room. It seemed to echo itself in my physical heart in a very strange manner, hard to describe. I have noticed a similar phenomenon when I have been waiting for a message fraught with great hope or dread.”

You might argue, from a rational standpoint, that Crowley was just making sh*t up or he was delusional or he was trying to trick everyone. Yet Crowley himself denies this rational post-industrial attitude to the paranormal that us modern people are often quick to take. He claims that Aiwass posessed knowledge that he himself did not have, and repeatedly states that he is ‘objective’.

“He is not, let me say with emphasis, a mere abstraction from yourself.”

Clearly he was well aware of how this supernatural relationship to a spirit might come across to others. I find this very interesting, but it should also be said that Crowley had tampered with his own mind many times before this episode.

I do believe it’s possible to open gates you can’t close anymore, and while all this sounds perhaps exotic and fascinating (unless you see it as delusional), you probably would never actually want to experience a discarnate entity wanting something from you.

I mean, you can barely handle incarnate entities wanting stuff from you, anyway.

Journeys and Adventures

After all this he put the dictated book away and ignored it, leaving Egypt with his wife and returning to Scotland. There, they had their first child: a daughter he named ‘Lilith’. I mean, what other name would he pick?

Some more crazy adventures occur after this: Crowley travels to Nepal to hike one of the mountains of the Himalayas alongside a group of other mountaineers. But this expedition ends quite badly, as his companions become annoyed with his recklessness and split up, with part of the group getting killed in an accident on their way down.

Crowley then travels to Calcutta where he meets up with his family. He’s attacked by two people who try to mug him. In response, Crowley shoots them. Nobody dies, but this forces him to leave India and travel across China, all the while smoking a lot of opium. I couldn’t even make this up. His wife and daughter then return home to Britain, while Crowley continues his travels across China, then Canada and the States.

Unfortunately for him, in 1907 his daughter Lilith dies of typhoid. Despite clearly being something of an unresponsible father, Crowley blames his daughter’s death on his wife and subsequently has many other short-lived love affairs with other women. And men, too.

In fact, this will be a huge part of his life going forward, experimenting a lot with sex magick. His attempts to achieve mystical states (such as samadhi) brings him into contact with Aiwass again, who dictates another few books of Thelema. In 1909 he picked up the manuscript again, now seeing it as ‘objective truth’ - a statement which, I suppose, most other ‘religious prophets’ would agree with (in relation to their own religions).

Crowley’s funds began to dry out after this, so he took on students to teach magick and rituals. Meanwhile his wife gave birth to a second daughter named Lola. However, in 1911 Crowley divorced his wife, blaming her for alcoholism. She was institutionalised later for alcohol dementia, and we don’t know what happened to her after this. She died in 1932, and I can only presume that being married to someone like Crowley would drive anyone insane. But this is just conjecture on my part.

Gaining Fame

Crowley’s rituals became public as he staged a few interesting events, one which supposedly tried to reproduce the extremely ancient ‘Rites of Eleusis’. This is a very, very old ritual from ancient Greece, about which I talked more in this article Here.

These ritual-events brought him to increased fame as several reporters attended and began writing about him, accusing him of Satanism and blood-sacrifice. This greatly pleased Crowley. He wrote a lot more during this time and became involved with various secret orders and societies, such as Ordo Templis Orientis.

After this he travelled to Moscow where he lived for a time, then Paris where he performed more magick rituals involving drug use in order to try and contact the Roman gods Mercury and Jupiter. I don’t know if he succeeded. Frankly, I don’t think it matters at this point.

Notice also that Crowley’s poor daughter Lola is never mentioned in any of this, because the girl went on to live with her uncle. Scattered fragments I found online suggest she went on to live a long life and died in 1990. She refused any connection to her father.

Now it’s important to mention that Crowley thrived on shock value. His media attention grew in proportion to how much crazy stuff he got up to. This is what makes him a fascinating character in history, and likely why his biography is so detailed.

For example, he went on a trip to Portugal where he faked his own death, only to then reappear three weeks later at the opening of an art exhibition featuring his own paintings. He also became involved with intelligence agencies and was also a spy for the British government in Germany. As if things couldn’t get more weird, he believed Hitler might take a fancy to his religion of Thelema, but when the Nazi gained power they outlawed all forms of esoteric practice.

This would get him into trouble on his way back to London after spending some time in the States again, where he did more rituals and contacted more supernatural entities. He also apparently discovered some of his past lives, which included that of Pope Alexander VI, Cagliostro and even Eliphas Levi (a guy we’ll check out at a later date).

In Sicily he funded and started his own ‘church’-like house for practicing Thelema, until he was kicked out of the country by the fascist regime. He did a whole lot more travelling, wrote more books and, yes, fathered more children until he died of bronchitis in 1947.

The Science and Art of causing change to occur in conformity with Will

This is how Crowley defined ‘Magick’, in opposition to ‘MagiC’, which is known as illusionism or parlour tricks. Crowley lived a pretty crazy life. He was never really wealthy, his books, poetry and art never really sold that much and some biographers state that he was never really happy with putting his family on second, third or fourth place and focusing his efforts exclusively on his relationship with the occult.

There’s a lot to criticize, but it can’t be understated that his life was, if nothing else, interesting. Interesting enough to warrant public attention and countless biographies written. His work on Magick remains foundational for anyone looking to study this discipline, which has many risks and doubtful rewards, but remains fascinating nonetheless.

Is Magick true? Or real?

Well that depends what you mean by that. Ceremonial Magick is, essentially, ritualistic and the purpose of robes, candles, circles and the whole theatrical display is not to ‘conjure’ entities, demons or aliens, but to change the regular state of the mind. To push it just a little beyond its place of comfort.

The modern mind is stuck in very thick paradigms, often defined by materialism and a life lived in urban areas filled with concrete and very separated from the chaotic beauty and infinity of nature. I think the purpose of ritual is to try and shake things up a little.

This phenomenon is true, because this kinds of techniques are employed in psychoanalysis too, sometimes to try and work with trauma by re-enacting certain situations from the patient’s past, but this time changing the way he or she reacted to them. This is essentially a re-living of trauma with a different outcome, because what ‘trauma’ is, briefly, is the mind’s incapacity of moving on and out of a situation that has occurred many years into the past. The mind re-plays the same outcome and the same emotions, often on a subconscious level.

As you might see, to replay and change this situation could be beneficial (in some cases). In order to do so, one needs to properly immerse oneself into that specific scenario, which means dressing up and setting the stage. Magick does the same, and I believe that may be part of its purpose.

To cause change to occur in conformity to Will would mean consciously changing the subconscious to reflect new, chosen paradigms, beliefs or intentions. As the subconscious does rule our lives, then according to this definition yes, Magick is very real.

But can it make you rich and get you that house by the beach in Hawaii you want? I don’t know. But if you do manage that, maybe you’ll also consider buying me a coffee?

More to come when it’s ready. I appreciate your patience.

Blessings,

Hope your evening is going well. Is it not evening? It was, the last time I checked.

Anyway, welcome back to the campfire. Today I wish to take you on a journey through ritual, magic, symbols and the work of Aleister Crowley. Some of you may be familiar with this guy. If you’ve never heard of him, then this is the perfect place for you to be today.

What is Magick?

Magic(K) as opposed to ‘MagiC’ is a word used by occultist Aleister Crowley to indicate a type of… hmm, how can I define it? Will-Power or Conscious Manipulation of the unfoldment of Life/Nature/the World through psychic/mental means, as opposed to what is commonly known as ‘Magic’ with a ‘c’ that denotes techniques of concealment and illusion. The latter aims to impress, bewilder and ultimately entertain. While the first? Well, that’s where it gets interesting.

We could say the first is also known as ‘Ceremonial Magic/K’ because it’s usually accompanied by, well, ceremonies and rituals. This often involves the use of various types of incense, symbols and theatrical-like costumes and environments.

This has always fascinated me deeply, and I’ve always been extremely interested in this topic. Why would people do this if, according to popular mainstream culture, it’s all hogwash? Well maybe because it’s not all hogwash and popular mainstream culture isn’t always right? Could it be?

Aleister Crowley

There aren’t many who popularised occultism and magick quite as much as Mr.Crowley. Probably one of, if not the most famous representative of the so-called ‘occult arts’ in the modern era, Crowley was a fascinating figure, still studied to this day. He was a prominent writer, painter, poet and, among other things, founded his own religion (called Thelema), which is more than what most people can claim as a life achievement.

Crowley (1875-1947) had a few bones to pick with Christianity, and I think it’s thanks to him that modern popular culture often depicts ritualised pentagram symbols carved on the ground with Hell/Demons/Satan. You may have seen many movies featuring this stuff.

This is because Crowley was raised in a fundamentalist Christian household. His father was very devout and read a chapter of the Bible for his family at breakfast, every day. Imagine that. His mother, on the other hand, called her only child by such affectionate names as ‘the Beast’; something that was, I imagine, quite hurtful for lil’Aleister as a child, but which later in life he took on with pride.

When he was 8, Crowley got sent to to an evangelical boarding school in Hastings. After the early death of his father, he inherited his wealth and started kinda doing his own thing, such playing chess, climbing exotic mountains and having lots of sex; three things which, again, are fine accomplishments.

In 1898 he joined the secretive, esoteric Order of the Golden Dawn, where he was trained in Ceremonial Magic. After that he went travelling the world, hiking mountains in Mexico, chilling in Hawaii and then reaching Hong Kong and even India, where he studied Yoga in a temple and hoped, like most of us (?), to reach advanced states of awareness. Unfortunately the only thing he reached was malaria, but that didn’t stop him from continuing his journeys.

Eventually he went to Paris, then Scotland (where he purchased a famously haunted house that I want to visit), got married, then went to Egypt with his wife. It is there that he began to summon various gods, and eventually managed to make contact with Horus himself, who apparently told him it’s time to become a prophet for a new religion.

This seems to have worked well for others in the past, so, hey, what the hell, right? And so Horus (or one of’em, it’s a bit unclear), started to dictate a holy book, which Crowley wrote in three days. This became ‘The Book of the Law’, foundational text for his new religion, Thelema.

We shall leave Crowley aside for now, to remain in Egypt writing this gospel. Let’s look at this scripture of his.

What is Thelema?

So Thelema is a sort of modern mix of ancient Egyptian mythology with modern occultism, and peppered with some alchemical stuff too. The word itself refers to ‘Desire’ or ‘Will’ and, in fact, its chief cardinal claim is: ‘Do what thou will’ or rather ‘Live according to your own Will’.

Obviously this differs from traditional religions, which more often than not, proclaim: ‘Live according to the Will of God’, or at least some sort of transcendental principle that goes beyond the Ego. (I don’t think or know if Crowley himself would have called this a ‘religion’, but more of an esoteric philosophy.)

Now: a surface-level reading of this could imply that one should simply do what one wants, and that personal desire for self-indulging pleasure should be the chief pursuit of one’s life. This, in fact, would be a main criticism towards Crowley’s work, and magickal pursuit in general (since you would never perform a magick ritual if you didn’t want something).

Naturally, as you may already start to see, this goes completely against traditional Christian doctrine, which is why Crowley was later accused of worshipping Satan. He took lots of satisfaction in that and began to call himself ‘The Beast’ and use the number ‘666’ as a way, I and many of his biographers think, of giving everyone the middle-finger.

However, beyond a surface-level reading, what Thelema aims to say is that one should discover their true spiritual calling, something that goes beyond the desire for self-gratification. This is known as the ‘True Will’, and should reflect the deepest, most authentic self.

As you may know, it’s very difficult to reach this self without proper introspection self-discipline and self-inquiry. This is where a psychological/spiritual path becomes necessary. The path to this discovery is known as ‘The Great Work’, a term which Crowley clearly borrowed from Alchemy. I wrote more on that Here.

It’s because of Alchemy that Thelema also borrows the figure of Baphomet in its, ehm, ‘theology’(?). Baphomet is an alchemical symbol representing the union of opposites, and often portrayed as a horned creature. This symbol was often criticized by Christians for very obvious reasons, and associated to the Devil. This permeated our popular culture for a long time, and even today we still easily make the associations between Baphomet and Satan.

One of my first ever pieces of digital art was, in fact, Baphomet, and you can see it below:

It is also worth mentioning that one needs to think deeply about such statements as ‘live according to your own will’. In pursuing your own selfish desire for pleasure you must realise that you are not Free. For example, let's say you crave chocolate ice-cream. Absolute freedom, as interpreted today, would mean having chocolate ice-cream three times a day, every day, for as long as you want. But is that really freedom?

Are you free, or are you slave to chocolate ice-cream? A slave to your own desire?

This idea echoes across ALL disciplines that pursue self-realisation and understanding. Even Jung agrees, because he states (and shows) how everyone is ruled by their unconscious cravings, mistaking them for their own ambitions. Why do you want to be rich? Why do you want a partner? Why do you want power? Like, seriously, you must deeply investigate the point of origin of all your greatest desires. Especially those which torment your every waking hour.

This is the beginning of the way to self-mastery.

We’re not quite done with Crowley, or with magick in general. So stay tuned for the next episode, where we continue our journey.

Blessings,

Hope you’re doing well. Welcome back to the campfire. If you listen closely, there are faint, intimate and sweet whispers in the distance. There, just beyond the treeline. I know it’s dark and difficult to see.

To see ahead, eyes are not enough.

Think deeply on this.

I wanted to be a Mangaka

You wanted to be a what?

A ‘Mangaka’ is a Japanese term that indicates an author/artist and creator of Manga, a traditional Japanese type of comic book, quite well known all over the world at this time.

My teenage years marked the transition between one level of consciousness to another. Because that’s what happens. Among the many things that symbolised this event were my encounter with manga and anime, and Japanese media and stories. They have thoroughly shaped me. In very beautiful ways, I might add.

Many of my current stories draw a lot of inspiration from this time and from the incredible stories that I had the honour of encountering: stuff like Naruto, for example, was profoundly impactful and inspiring. I don’t think I would’ve attempted my journey across Europe and into the UK on a one-way ticket if it hadn’t been for the philosophy of Naruto: follow your dreams at any cost. ANY cost.

And so I think what inspired me to create my own stories and art was precisely this power that the Naruto story had on me. I think I wanted to inspire others in the same way I was inspired.

It was also the fact that manga/anime usually have more mature storylines compared to my previous experiences watching cartoons on TV as a child. Instead of superheroes saving the world all the time, manga dealt with complex characters struggling with issues of life, death, depression, growth, sacrifice and fairly engaging philosophy. Even when they fought each other with huge swords it (usually) had a deeper meaning behind it.

But why a Mangaka?

Japanese Manga, unlike Western comic books, are usually (though not always) authored by only one person. This makes it an extremely personal work that combines illustration and storytelling. This level of control over a work of art has always been a cardinal element of my life as an artist. Even to this very day, I have always refused to compromise on Anything when it comes to the creative process.

And so as a teenager I imagined myself travelling to Japan and working as a mangaka. Of course, that never ended up happening and for very good reasons. I’m actually grateful that dream changed and evolved without sacrificing its core elements.

The life of a mangaka is no joke, and it’s also inherent to the Japanese culture and way of life. To make money out of it one has to be ‘serialized’ in a magazine that sells manga, and aside from the difficult road of reaching that point, one then has to produce one chapter every week or so. But inspiration (or the Muses) don’t work that way. Works such as Naruto or One Piece (still ongoing since 1999), now world-famous brands, are the result of a willpower and work ethic that is hard to comprehend, especially for a westerner.

Bakuman, Art and Manga

Bakuman aims to show this journey of a mangaka.

Bakuman is a manga created by Tsugumi Ohba and Takeshi Obata, a team also responsible for the masterpiece that is Death Note. First published in 2008, Bakuman is a manga that tells the story of manga. It’s a manga about manga, or about the struggles of what it means to be a mangaka.

It follows the story of two close friends who form a team in an effort to become successful mangakas and it shows the struggles, challenges and sacrifices required to achieve this ambitious goal. It’s also got some questionable teenage romance peppered throughout, but mainly takes topics that all artists have to deal with, such as appeal, marketing, fame/success, visibility, etc. and uses them as structural components in its main premise.

Obata-san, the artist behind this work, has had to draw this manga and also draw the various characters’ own mangas within this manga. This is pretty crazy and extremely challenging, because there are various characters in this story, each struggling with authoring their own mangas and getting them out there. This means that every character has their own unique drawing style (as people do), and that needs to translate within this work alongside the actual author’s style.

I’d started reading this and watching the anime when I was a teenager, but I never got to finish it, and so these weeks I’m currently attempting to fix that. I am not done just yet, but it inspired these words because it has a lot to do with my development as a person and artist.

The journey of these two young men is very difficult and they constantly deal with rejection and the main idea that talent (which they have) is simply not enough. Elements such as mass appeal, style and consistency are often shown to be more important than artistic merit. At one point in the story they face off against a musician who had started drawing a particular type of extremely niche and creative manga, which all characters criticize because ‘it doesn’t fit manga’.

Below is an example of his style:

I reproduce it here because I find it super-fascinating to see what the author of the manga imagined as what another manga author would imagine and draw. Trippy.

To Live and Die for the Dream

One of the main themes of Bakuman is the idea of self-sacrifice. This is a huge part of the Japanese mindset and culture. To achieve your dreams you must sacrifice all your waking hours to the pursuit of only one goal. This is a core idea of Naruto too: that a dream/goal/vision is essentially more important than any other part of life, and one should sacrifice everything in its pursuit.

In Bakuman, the entire story opens up following the death of a character: the uncle of the main protagonist, who was a mangaka but never achieved success, his work was cancelled and, in his efforts to continue living as a mangaka, died from overwork. Essentially, it was a kind of suicide - though this idea is addressed in the story and dismissed by other characters who refuse to call by that name.

This plot point is, unfortunately, very realistic. They call this karōshi (dying from overwork), a very real social issue that came to light in the 1980 but, obviously, has been going on probably for centuries. This is death caused by heart failure, strokes or suicide due to work stress.

In 2015 a 24-year old employee working at the ad agency Dentsu killed herself, likely due to stress related to her employment. She wrote a note to her mom saying: “Why do things have to be so hard?” A BBC article covers this tragic story Here. It claims there are official reports of hundreds of cases of karoshi each year. Not counting, of course, the unreported cases.

This all may sound quite alien to us in the West, but we should also keep in mind the origins of this. I think it echoes the ancient Samurai (the warrior archetype) in Japanese society. The Samurai lived for the sword and the greatest warriors were those who mastered it fully. This meant complete, unwavering dedication. Nothing else mattered but the sword and the path. This path, more often than not, ended in death on the battlefield.

I wrote more about Bushido, the Samurai as well as death, HERE.

This doesn’t make it right. But we should always keep in mind that the modern world is built over dark foundations laid by ancestors who lived and died in ways we’re struggling to understand. Likewise we live in ways they wouldn’t understand either.

For example the Japanese concept of ‘gaman’ translates as ‘enduring hardship with dignity’. It implies complete devotion and self-discipline. To what? Well, to the future I suppose, the only place where the realised goal/dream lives.

Perhaps here in the West we tend to be a little more lenient on this (and we also tend to die from other causes). We prefer a more balanced approach and I agree with this. There’s no point in reaching a dream if there’s nothing left of the dreamer to enjoy this realised dream.

But there’s also much we can learn in terms of introducing measured parts of the Samurai attitude into our daily lives, without compromising our mental and physical health. I found this very practical for me to learn, especially in recent years.

More to come. And let me know in the comments if there’s any particular parts of this that you’d like me to speak more on.

Blessings,

Hope you’re keeping warm. Stay close to the light, this will be a dark, but exciting one.

A little update on me: I’ve been taking a break from writing after finishing my second novel. That’s a joke, of course, I can’t seem to take breaks from writing since we’re here now. However, I am noticing a little bit of strain in keeping up with my weekly episodes, as well as other creative projects, as well as work and life and also my drawings/art, which is also a huge part of my life.

My writing craft is split into four areas: these newsletters, my books, my creative fantasy/fanfiction work (which is just for me) and my blog. Out of all these, the blog and books are the most curated, deep, profound expressions of my art and they represent my best work in the written format.

While I’m doing what I can to make sure all these four areas always progress, and so far they do, I must be careful not to get burnt out or exhausted. The Muses have been speaking to me for a long time, and I always listen but I must be careful not to take them for granted or choke their voices out for ‘content’.

This is why this episode has taken longer to write and release, and from now on they’ll be released every 10 days, instead of every 7 like the previous ones.

“We live on a placid island of ignorance in the midst of black seas of infinity, and it was not meant that we should voyage far.

The sciences, each straining in its own direction, have hitherto harmed us little; but some day the piecing together of dissociated knowledge will open up such terrifying vistas of reality, and of our frightful position therein, that we shall either go mad from the revelation or flee from the deadly light into the peace and safety of a new dark age.”

This quote from Lovecraft is one of his most popular, and you’ll find it plastered over most articles discussing him and his work. I think it’s incredibly telling of his thought and writings, which culminate in something called ‘Cosmicism’.

More on that below… deep, deep below…

Who Loves to Craft

I’ve always been a huge Lovecraft fan. I think I read most of his work, which is more than I can say about other writers that inspire me. I even wrote my high-school thesis on him and the mythos he shaped have influenced my work across the years.

For those who don’t know him, Howard Phillips Lovecraft (1890-1937) was an American author best known for his contributions to the genre of horror fiction and for the creation of some of the most popular and influential works of horror ever created. His work mostly became famous after his death, to the point where his name became a verb to indicate a specific subgenre: Lovecraftian.

Were his works crafted with Love? Ehh… more like existential dread and continuous torment.

But why am I bringing him up? Because his work, stories and characters were so influential that they somehow seeped into the collective unconscious to the point where other writers of horror borrowed themes, characters and locations for their own stories, expanding the work of Lovecraft into a sort of collective grand story that is continued even today in the form of movies, videogames, other books (including my own and those of many others), music, board games, etc.

Basically, it became Mythology. This is no small feat. In fact, it’s actually an incredible achievement and impossible to attribute to him alone. Lovecraft wasn’t actually that great a writer, but he brought forward something so deeply sinister out of the Great Unconscious that, I think, was recognised by others. And still is.

The Life of Lovecraft

I won’t spend too much time on this, as you can find his biography easily elsewhere. Suffice to say the man had a difficult life, as his father succumbed to mental illness and death when he was young, and his own fragile health kept him from joining the other kids at the playground, so to speak. Instead, much like me, Lovecraft preferred the company of books and his own imagination.

As he grew older he tried to pen the stories he saw in the depths of his mind, primarily publishing his work in pup magazines like ‘Weird Tales’, but the damn things never really sold anything, so financial struggle was always a constant. This, alongside a profound sense of isolation after he moved to New York, only added to his ever-growing sense of cosmic dread.

He died in 1937 of cancer and malnutrition, possibly because he couldn’t afford food or wasn’t able/willing to seek other employment aside from his failed career as an author.

Essentially, as far as he saw it, the entire universe couldn’t give less of a damn about him, and this theme became the core of his work.

Why is he so popular?

It’s really sad that Lovecraft never managed to make a living from his art. It wasn’t until about twenty years after his death that scholarly attention grew and brought his stories to mass appeal. If he was alive nowadays, he’d be touring the world giving speeches and attending all sorts of Comicons. Well, probably he wouldn’t, he was not exactly sociable.

Anyway, his collective stories form what is known as the ‘Cthulhu Mythos’, a name that references his most popular character: the alien god Cthulhu. If you somehow have never heard of him and are wondering wtf is up with the name, it’s a complex arrangement of letters because it’s the closest approximation that the human mind can make in translating his original name, which is impossible to understand. Why? Because he’s an alien.

The thing about Lovecraft is that he really really understood the meaning of Alien. His monsters are the opposite of E.T. the friendly alien who gets lost on our planet and needs a way home. They’re not even the xenomorph creature from the movie Alien which, though scary, is pretty much just an animal who hunts its prey.

No, Lovecraft’s aliens truly fit the name: they are impossible to comprehend by the linear, rational human intellect. Their shape? Incomprehensible. Their motivations? Incomprehensible. Their scale? Also incomprehensible. One look at these beings would be enough to drive anyone to madness.

Lovecraft fashioned his creatures by considering the vastness of the cosmos itself: these are beings of such magnitude and absolute horror that they can’t even exist in the same dimension.

All his short stories feature artists, writers or scientists driven mad by mere fragments and glimpses of these beings. There is a profound mystery to them and an age that defies comprehension. They are so massive and beyond our understanding that, to them, our human planet is a mere speck of dust.

This is likely a representation of the way he felt throughout life.

His most popular stories include:

• The Call of Cthulhu - this is where the tentacled being first appears, rising from the waters out of a dead gigantic city lost beneath the ocean. It is there Cthulhu is trapped, constantly dreaming.

• At the Mountains of Madness - this is another famous one about an expedition to Antarctica where they discover frozen star-shaped ancient beings that had built cities of incomprehensible geometry and architecture.

• The Shadow over Innsmouth - this one has been translated into many movies and videogames across the years. It’s about a visitor to an odd town called Innsmouth where the inhabitants have something… eh, fishy going on.

In 2001 director Stuart Gordon released Dagon, a movie which remains obscure, fitting Lovecraft’s theme I suppose. If you’re a horror fan and want something that will entertain but also deeply disturb you (I still remember some scenes, it can get very grotesque) I recommend it.

The Blind God

Lovecraftian Mythology therefore, is all about the deepest, darkest corners of the cosmos, where beings of profound, incomprehensible madness reside. Human life means nothing to them. There is a deep sense of profound nihilism to it all, and this is what ‘Cosmicism’ is all about.

Alongside the work of other writers who followed in his footsteps, Lovecraft’s philosophy is, quite literally embodied in the greatest demonic God he ever fashioned: Azathoth.

“[…] the boundless daemon sultan Azathoth, whose name no lips dare speak aloud, and who gnaws hungrily in inconceivable, unlighted chambers beyond time and space amidst the muffled, maddening beating of vile drums and the thin monotonous whine of accursed flutes.”

Azathoth is, essentially, a deity of cosmic proportions said to reside in an area of the universe so far that no light can reach. No description of him is possible. Around him, demonic beings dance and play music to keep him asleep because, it is said, if he ever should wake up the entire universe would disappear. Why? Because the whole universe may be nothing more than a twisted dream of his.

You can check out more on him HERE.

Azathoth is essentially Lovecraft’s ultimate idea of God, or rather an anti-God. It has many of the attributes usually given to a supreme deity, but none of the love. Azathoth simply doesn’t care, he is blind and stupid, and the entire universe is the random product of his twisted imagination. It exists, but it could also not and probably would be better if it didn’t.

What life would a man have to go through to produce such an idea? What bitterness must one embody? What hatred for life?

And yet, strangely enough, it’s also oddly appealing because it’s so dark and hopeless.

Conclusion

Lovecraft’s darkness continues to fascinate us. There’s no shortage of artists online portraying his work in various ways and it always fascinates me to see them stretching their imagination to try and capture what is, essentially, impossible to capture.

In this, I think - in this stretching of the mind to the extreme is the value of Lovecraft’s work. A product of tragedy and hopelessness, but maybe a necessary one. Without him the genre of horror wouldn’t have evolved to where it is today.

More to come.

Blessings,

I also tried my hand recently at a Lovecraft portrayal with my new Artwork featuring CTHULHU, the Great Old One:

Some really cool A3-sized metal-coated Prints available HERE, if you’d like to befriend this horrific god before he… befriends you. Because you won’t have a choice then.

Welcome back to the fireplace.

Let’s take a break from Astral travelling for a while, and discuss something else which is no less… mmm, worthwhile.

The Dream

This last week I’ve had an extremely peculiar dream. It was not lucid and no, it was no astral journey either. It was one of those ol’classic dreams where clearly the Unconscious speaks out through symbols.

But what symbols!

I’ve never had a dream like this before. I recall very little of its contents aside from, essentially, the planet Saturn (the one with the rings) appearing in the sky and me looking at it. It was obviously big and close enough to see it, not just some point of light.

Afterwards I saw a completely black, spherical void descending from above and covering it, creating some kind of a peculiar eclipse. For lack of better description, this was essentially a ‘Black Sun’. I call it a ‘sun’ because despite it consisting of a black void it was still somehow bright.

Now, the ‘Black Sun’ is a symbol I was familiar with, because Jung talked about it in his studies of alchemy, and therefore is an ancient symbol. However, I’d never dreamt of it.

The ‘sol niger’ is an ancient, occult symbol mostly associated with Alchemy. Now… wowie, where to start?

I will try to make this brief and simple to understand, despite the enormous complexity. The purpose of Alchemy is known as the ‘Magnum Opus’ (The Great Work): this is a process aimed at transforming ‘matter’ into the so-called ‘Philosopher’s Stone’. In other words, to turn lead into gold.

Across the centuries we’ve scoffed at this idea, which may have been precisely what the ancient alchemists wanted. The whole thing is drowned in extremely occult symbolism and terminology that requires translation but, if taken literally, would make no sense. This was done, it is said, to dissuade those unprepared from even attempting such a process.

The Magnum Opus unfolds in four stages:

• Nigredo (the blackening or putrefaction - this is where the Black Sun is featured)

• Albedo (whitening)

• Citrinitas (yellowing or accessing the solar light)

• Rubedo (reddening, the final stage)

The final stage creates the Philosopher’s Stone, which is usually depicted with a red colour to represent this. Now obviously popular media has often represented this through an actual, physical stone item.

Carl Jung was the only one, or certainly the most famous one, in modern times to completely turn the whole thing on its head and suggest that, in fact, the Alchemical process is not ‘physical’. It’s a representation of an inner process aimed at transforming the psyche.

This process is represented through symbols. How else could it be? Nigredo, therefore, represent the first part of this process, the ‘blackening’. Jung suggested this represents the confrontation with the ‘Shadow’ archetype. This is, essentially, the repressed parts of yourself, all your deepest aspects that culture and social conditioning has pushed and buried deeply into the subconscious.

I think this is true. But I don’t think it’s complete. I think the Shadow is both individual and collective. This refers back to my episode on ‘Hell’ - confronting the Shadow, in my experience, feels a little bit like that, to put it mildly.

And Saturn?

The planet Saturn could be a reference to astrological stuff, of which I know very little. I know the ancient occultists really had a liking for planets, but this was something I never really understood or explored much.

I once went to a Theosophical society meeting in my local town and I expected to find a group of cool alchemists wearing robes and performing rituals. What I found, instead, were a bunch of old people sitting around and doing astrology on politics, discussing the American election results. Apparently Trump winning was not what the stars had predicted.

I never went back.

It seemed to me like such a complete waste of time. I don’t doubt that Astrology may have something interesting to tell, but this is again an example of using this stuff on surface-level bs. This would probably be the equivalent of doing alchemy with actual substances, sitting around and burning matter.

Anyway,

Saturn is the Roman name for the Titan of Time, Kronos. Here is where I get excited. I’ve been writing about Kronos in reference to time and the evolution of the psyche in my latest article on the Greek Alphabet. You can find it HERE.

Why is this important? Because Kronos is the father of Zeus and the rest of the Olympian gods. Kronos began to devour his own children, driven to madness by a betrayal that he himself had committed against his own father, Ouranos (the Sky). But Zeus stopped him, saved his siblings and established his rule.

I explore this more deeply in my work above, but the gist of it is this: Kronos is linear time. And linear time devours everything. The only ones who escaped this are the gods. That’s why they are gods. And of course they are: aspects of life such as war, anger, courage, desire, imagination, madness, chaos, etc. are eternal and immortal. They have moved through our ancestors in the same way they’ll move through your grandchildren.

These are the gods.

So what could this all mean?

Saturn as a reference to Time; and the Black Sun as a symbol for Nigredo. Linear Time and the blackening/confrontation with the shadow. It could, possibly, mean that my work in the depths, which has been ongoing for a long time now (and I sure as hell am feeling it) is… eclipsing time? Transcending it? Has no time? It has come to an end?

I don’t know.

But it was something. It is my intention to keep you up to date with this journey. This is the purpose of this work.

If you also have had similar dreams, please feel free to let me know. These symbols fascinate me to no end.

Blessings,

More on Alchemy HERE

The Chimaera represents the Alchemical Process of unifying separated parts of yourself. I’ve done my best to turn this into a physical stone. If you’d like to support my work and get cool decorations for your shrine, check it out Here.

Hope you’re doing well. Welcome back to another woo-woo take on the human condition.

Stay close to the fire.

But not too close.

What is this?

Astral Projection, also known as ‘Out-of-body Experience’ (OBE) is a well known and recorded phenomenon throughout human history, though very poorly understood. This is not because of lack of proof, but likely because the paradigm under which we conduct our daily existence precludes certain experiences and allows others, quite selectively.

I discuss Paradigms and physicality more in depth HERE, should you be courageous enough.

Now, what is all this nonsense? Basically, it’s the idea that one could, either spontaneously or through conscious practice and intention, exit one’s physical body and travel away from it in a non-physical form. In occult science, this form is usually known as the ‘subtle body’. To put it simply, you may be tempted to think of this as your spirit exiting your body and journeying around, flying and going everywhere with no limitation, the need for sustenance or breath.

Again, in occult practices they describe how this subtle body is connected to your physical body through a sort of ethereal chord, known as an ‘astral chord’.

In popular culture this phenomenon was represented in the Marvel movie Doctor Strange (2016), where the protagonist is shown how to journey outside his body. It’s all quite well done, and they include some psychedelic special effects which I appreciated. I remember I was quite excited when I first saw that scene because, some years earlier, I was working on figuring out how to try this for myself.

Now, IS THIS REAL?

Well, I guess that depends what you mean by Real, huh?

Is it? Hmmm - I’m tempted to say Yes. But no amount of books or stories could (or should) convince you of this. You have to try it for yourself.

And I did.

Astral Projection was actually one of the first few things I encountered over 10 years ago, when I first began on this path of which I talked more in the previous episode. It sounded so crazy, but its implications were so deep: if Astral Projection was real, then what did it mean? That we can verify the existence of the soul for ourselves? And if that’s real, then what else is? True life after death and the presence of infinite dimensions?

Maybe?

The thing is, I was tempted to try it out and so I began researching techniques to make this happen. It all had to do with the idea of vibration. Essentially, they say, if you increase your vibration to a high enough frequency your ‘subtle body’ exits the physical body automatically - it simply floats away.

Crazy, right? What the hell does any of this mean anyway? What vibrations?

But actually it is experientially true. Through intention one may experience what can only be termed ‘vibratory frequencies’ which you directly feel in your body. If you never have, it's easy to dismiss this. Does this, however, lead to one exiting the body?

Again, my own experiments only got me so far before I actually freaked out. Because you will. Because this is such an alien experience that the mind will simply recoil from it automatically. However: I did experience the rising out and the floating sensation with full consciousness.

No, it was not a dream. And no, it was not a lucid dream either.

I’ve experienced it about a dozen times and each time it was very distinct: a sensation of rising away from the thick, heavy physical bonds of flesh and into something extremely light and ‘above’. It was pretty much exactly as described. But no matter how much I wanted to experience this, when it was actually happening I remember being so terrified that I immediately recoiled and was promptly brought right back.

This is very distinct from dreaming and even lucid dreaming, both experiences which include some kind of existence in a different ‘world’, be it conscious or not. What I’m describing contained: consciousness, location, sense of self, memory, intentionality, awareness.

There are many, many more things to say about this. In America there is an Institute dedicated to exploring precisely this phenomenon. Founded in 1974, the Monroe Institute is probably the most famous organisations in this field. It was built by Robert Monroe, author of various books detailing out-of-body experiences. This guy pretty much popularised this idea in the West, though it has been known since, like, forever.

Then there hundreds of books published on this phenomenon. I’ve read some which have profoundly transformed my understanding of reality and life. But more on that soon.

Have you ever experienced something like this? I’d love to know.

Art Spotlight: The Music of Jesper Kyd

I’ll probably have a lot more to say about this incredible musician. Jesper Kyd is a Danish composer and sound designer, famous for his work on many classic videogames, from Assassin’s Creed, Hitman to Darksiders and many others. His music is simply incredible and has a very unique style.

Recently I’ve been listening to a few songs which really get me in ‘the zone’ if you know what I mean. These are extensions done by fans by mixing some of his tracks from the fairly old Hitman OSTs.

Check this one out. It’s called ‘Winter Night’ from Hitman: Contracts (2004) - it’s incredibly slow and atmospheric, inviting what the title says. It’s dark but calming and has a distinct style that is so… him.

Another one I’ve been dancing to is the Harbor Theme Extended Mix, from the very first Hitman game. This is an ancient relic that nobody plays nowadays, but Jesper’s soundtrack is pure genius and has aged like fine wine.

Concluding

Though Astral travel is a topic that has fascinated me for years, and it has also changed my perception of reality, it still has to be said that an Ego who travels inside or outside the body is still the same Ego. In other words: that’s not the point.

Many would advise against wasting time with this and other occult practices, such as channelling spirits, summoning demons/angels, communing with aliens, performing magick or other things of similar nature. Not because it’s not real but because it won’t get you anywhere closer to a deeper understanding of yourself.

At least, that’s what some say. I don’t agree necessarily and I don’t disagree either.

I think I’d like to share an interesting tale on this topic next time. One that has, frankly, had a profound impact on me.

More to come,

Blessings,

If you’d like to support my work and get unique decorations for your Temple/Home, check out my Shop!

Come closer to the fire. The night is long. Dawn isn’t here yet.

If you’ve been watching the news, which is never a good idea, you’ve probably been feeling quite hopeless and afraid. There’s a quote from a song I really like: “Stop paying attention to the things that make you tired.”

If you’re new here, it’s my intention for this space to be one of calm and quiet contemplation. I talk about intense things, but always in the spirit of evolution and understanding. Still, I’d like you to feel at peace and at home here, and imagine a bright campfire in the middle of a dark clearing in a peaceful forest.

And though you may not see them, you are surrounded by bright, interesting souls. Some I’ve invited here personally, others have found their way across digital landscapes. But I trust that, if you’re here, you belong.

What is ‘Spirituality’?

Spirituality gets misunderstood almost as much as life itself gets misunderstood. Frankly, it all seems to be a big misunderstanding.

The word ‘spirit’ comes from Latin 'spiritus’ (breath, breathing). A spirit therefore is something that breathes. Interesting, right? How did it become synonymous with invisible things? Maybe because ‘breath’ is non-visible but indicates life?

Anyway,

The true spiritual path isn’t about finding aliens, going out of body, practicing yoga, chatting to spirits or Gods, acquiring superpowers or other questionable things.

It’s about what I like to call ‘the Widening of Perspective’.

About a deeper, more true connection to yourself and the world. About burning through the bullshit. It is, especially, about Understanding. I think this understanding has to occur both at the level of Mind and of Body and of Soul.

The widening of Perspective is akin to giving birth, as the vulva widens and stretches the flesh in the process of bringing forth new life and new possibility. Because what else life is, if not new possibility? Likewise the psyche stretches to the point of intense agony. But the pain is meaningful.

Of course it’s meaningful. How else would you be here?

Your birth is the result of intense pain. And also intense pleasure. This seems to be the cost of the future.

The Process

The Spiritual Path is about uncovering these deeper connections between things. It’s about blurring the boundary between inner and outer. This process, I notice, transforms life to the point of swallowing it completely, whereas the path becomes Life or Life is revealed to be the stage upon which the path unfolds. And therefore the path becomes You.

Or You are revealed to have always been a symbol for it.

Questions about Life and Death become… not only important but fundamental. And there is the awareness that answers lie beyond a door that, if crossed, there’s no going back. And yet the courage to cross it is also part of the process itself.

What is Life? What is Death? What do they mean?

Answers are found in philosophy, science, psychology, theology and mythology. It’s foolish to ignore one and favour others. But we do because it’s all so goddamn complex that we have to. Because we are bound by time. And maybe we have to be, otherwise this wouldn’t make any sense.

I’m always fascinated by these deeper mysteries, questions and possibilities. To widen your perspective is to widen the universe itself and question the assumptions you’ve held your entire life: physicality, life, time, space, boundaries and much more.

What’s the point? Why would you even do this?

I think the answer to this question is always ‘suffering’. Not pain. The two are different and shouldn’t be confused. While pain, like pleasure, comes and goes, suffering tends to stretch itself both into the past and into the future.

The Buddha defined suffering as ‘dhukka’ which is a result of, basically, ignorance. This is an extremely powerful concept that has helped me (and others, clearly, in the past millennia) immensely. We may be tempted to think that ignorance is solved by acquiring more knowledge about stuff.

But it ain’t quite right.

The ignorance he points to, I think, is in the default interpretation that we hold about who we are and what this world and universe truly are. The mind tends to cling to concepts, ideas and stories that provide a foundational structure to what it perceives to be reality. Even when this gets thick, rusty and shaky, the mind still won’t let go.

In my understanding all spiritual knowledge, theology, philosophy, mysticism and the rest of this whole ‘woo-woo’ stuff has the purpose of training the mind into finally relaxing its hold. Another way of saying it: to help it breathe.

But never confuse the moon for its reflection on the surface of a pond.

The knowledge is not the thing itself. It’s pointing to it, but it’s not it. Likewise, it is said that for example Buddhism too is a boat that helps you cross the river. On the other side you leave the boat to walk. You don’t carry the boat with you.

This, if understood, can help us better contemplate and appreciate a spiritual life, and even Religion itself, which nowadays has left a bitter taste in our collective mouth.

Art Spotlight: Kati Rán

Kati is a Dutch musician, instrumentalist and singer I’ve discovered recently. Her style fits the theme of Norse revival pioneered by the likes of Wardruna, Heilung and many others (in fact she toured with them).

Specifically I recommend her work on ‘SÁLA’ (2024) - this is an album that has deeply moved and inspired me. The name itself is Old Norse for ‘soul’, this entire work recalls the act of ‘soul retrieval’ in a Shamanic sense. The contemporary equivalent to this process is often known as ‘trauma recovery’.

You can find her website Here. Below I’ve listed my favourite tracks:

• BLODBYLGJE - this is a 15-minute long journey through the depths. It’s profound, dark and very moving, and to my mind it recalls the discovery of Runes, secrets and spirits within the icy caverns of the frozen north (or of your own soul).

• Stone Pillars - I love this one.

• KÓLGA

I highly recommend her work should you enjoy the Norse pagan revival and deeply spiritual works of Wardruna and Heilung, both of whom now tour the world with their music, which I think is awesome and well earned. There is great power in this kind of music and I feel it’s deeply appealing to many because it’s filled with a dark, more free kind of spirituality we long for.

More to come! Thanks for sticking around.

Blessings,

If you’d like to support what I do, consider checking out my book! Meliade is a unique, illustrated novel blending original art, design and storytelling. Now with a sequel out!

Hope you’re doing well. Welcome back to the campfire. If you’re new here, I recommend you check out the Archive. There may be something cool for you to find there.

You are free to stay and rest now, taking in the warmth of the fire. There’s nothing you need to do. Nothing you need to be.

Last episode I talked about Hell. Cheery topic, I know. But this is only one side of the coin, and so I thought it would be interesting to look at the other end of the spectrum. What is theologically termed ‘Heaven’.

What is Heaven?

Heaven, like Hell, is not a location, but a state of consciousness.

The etymology of the word comes from Old English ‘heofon’ to mean ‘sky’ or ‘firmament’. Later, the Christian cultural (and not-so-cultural) conquest of the West transformed this term into the dwelling-place of its Divinity. However, this idea (aside from being absurd when taken literally) is also not very true to its origins.

The Jewish faith that gave birth to Christianity, and even its main Scriptures, that you might know as the Bible, has no references to God being up there, in the sky. In Genesis, God spent his time hanging out in the Garden of Eden, which by definition is right here on Earth. Even later, after he kicked out Adam and Eve for being naughty, he spent his time speaking to people from burning bushes or mountaintops.

I think this idea, when combined with Hellenic thought (from ancient Greece) quietly and sneakily merged Yahweh with Zeus (who is a force of nature manifesting through thunder - and thunder is usually found in the sky as far as I know). I don’t think this happened on purpose but was a natural evolution that also reflected the state of consciousness of the time.

Keep in mind that Christianity spread and evolved throughout a vast population that could neither read nor write, and it also had to change across the centuries (think of the translation from Latin into common languages - it made it accessible but also literal, completely discarding a lot of the original meaning).

And so what we got nowadays is a hotpot of various fragments of beliefs, faiths and theologies. If you really wanna understand Christian thought, you gotta go to the source, where you’ll find some extremely complex but fascinating stuff (such as the Kabbalah) but that’s a topic for another time.

Still, despite this mess, you can find some good pointers if you care to look. Jesus himself seems to have had the right idea when he said: “The kingdom of God is within you” (Luke 17:21) - what did he mean? Somewhere in your biological organism? Under your muscles? Of course not.

Other Heavens

Though Jesus has some really cool stuff, you shouldn’t stop with him. ‘Heaven’ is an archetypal concept, which means that it’s universal across the world. And this should add weight to it.

• Elysium - the Greeks saw this as a place of eternal spring for the heroes and those who were chosen by the gods. As I stated before, it’s actually a location within, though separate from, Hades. Hades as a location has both Elysium (the nice place) and Tartarus (the not-so-nice place).

• Valhalla - the Norse saw this as a place where heroes who died in battle in a glorious enough way, hung out. It’s not about resting as much as it’s about drinking and fighting some more, but also hanging out with the gods, such as Odin. While to our culture this doesn’t seem very appealing, Valhalla is essentially a paradise for a culture that thrived on battle and conquest and represents an ideal of doing more of that.

[as a side-note, the videogame God of War: Ragnarök (2023) has re-interpreted this idea in a really awesome way, portraying Valhalla as a place of deep psychological exploration and inner work, where battles and challenges help one achieve self-mastery]

• Pure Lands - in Buddhist cosmology there are many, many Heavens and they all do different things. The Pure Lands (plural) are celestial dimensions where souls travel to do more of the same stuff they do here on Earth, which is seeking Enlightenment. Except there they get to hang out with actual Buddhas (yes, there’s not only one) and presumably receive direct guidance. Kind of like a… meditation retreat but on steroids.

• Jannah - in Islam this is also known as the ‘Gardens under which Rivers flow’, and these rivers are made of milk and honey and the faithful enjoy both the presence of Allah as well as other really nice perks, many of which are very sensual in nature. When you consider the origins and history of this religion, its Heaven is essentially directly opposite to the hardships the first followers of the Prophet had to endure, being hunted across a harsh desert.

• Swarga Loka - in Hindu cosmology there are also many Heavens. Swarga is ruled by the God Indra, and if you end up here you get to enjoy pleasure, bliss, music and many other nice things. Interestingly however, this is by no means a final destination, as the ultimate goal is Moksha, a state which transcends all of them (similar to Buddhist Nirvana).

• The Summerland - in Occult and Theosophical traditions, the Summerlands are, as the name implies, lush pastoral, countryside-like worlds where souls hang out before each incarnation. I’m assuming endless summer, but I hope that doesn’t mean that I can’t get a cosy winter cottage if that should strike my fancy.

And there’s MORE! Of course there’s more. But let’s stop here for now and ask the important question: what do all of these have in common?

All these Heavens affirm what all cultures believe is a happy, blissful existence. They are ALL, of course, Mythology. In the sense that they all reflect an ancient story deeply rooted at the foundations of a collective psyche.

The Secular Heaven

Now think on this carefully: you may be tempted to believe that our modern world has done away with such ‘silly’ notions. A secular, materialist culture insists there’s no ‘life after death’ or ‘Heaven’ of any kind. But this isn’t true either. Yes, a secular culture ignores the transcendent, and to its own detriment. But it is by no means safe from the influence of both Heaven and Hell.

Heaven, for us, is the eternal seeking of ever-more sophisticated sensory experiences. Ideally pleasurable and exciting. Heaven implies endless wealth, endless sex, endless perfect relationships with companions of such profound perfection, intelligence and beauty and endless freedom to travel the world, have lots of friends and continuously ‘do’ lots of exciting things.

While the payment for Heaven and Jannah are good deeds in life, closeness to God and respecting tradition and Scripture, our modern secular Heaven demands a different kind of payment: Hard Work.

You must Earn Heaven

You don’t get it for free and, likewise, notice a profound belief in our psyche that you get nothing for free in life. Modern Heaven doesn’t sit at the top of Jacob’s Ladder but at the top of your LinkedIn profile or this year’s revenue charts.

Similarly, you must Earn Valhalla - you don’t just go there by staying at home and dying in your sleep.

Our modern culture Worships Numbers. You see it everywhere you look. Numbers, percentages and the promise of increasingly higher revenue have taken the place of statues of Gods. Banks are now Temples. How else do you judge your worth?

With fame, success, power, influence and endless wealth you are given the idea that FINALLY you can be free of all evil: obscurity, poverty, weakness, illness, death.

How? By following the Scriptures: work hard, hustle, grind, discipline yourself, optimize, learn social media, take a marketing course.

There are many layers to this, and they’re all confusing and complex. While the modern world thrives and is built on the 9-to-5 work structure, at the same time it condemns it as hell (because it is, or is built to be). Remember when you got kicked out of the Garden? What are you gonna do? Earn your way back.

The idea that Divinity is ultimately the arbiter of your destiny is a myth that has been torn down, replaced instead by cold, objective, controllable numbers. But was number ever meant to be a God? Eh, it’s a cool question. I might explore it.

Okay, but now what?

This might all sound as if we’re just screwed. If modern Heaven is just Mythology, then what’s the hope? What am I supposed to do?

It is Mythology but it’s not just Mythology. The hustle myth reflects one of our greatest collective yearnings: to be safe, seen and in control.

You, I and likely everyone you know deeply hungers for this. This hunger can become twisted into spiralling shapes of madness and endless abstraction. But if you can find a way to give this to others around you, to invite a sense of peace or possibility, then you’d already be doing more than you ever thought possible.

To be free means to be aware. And freedom too has a price. And that price is Hell, so refer back to Episode 20. To see through the stories that make up the Veil (Maya) obscuring reality is not exactly a walk in the park. It requires the courage of the Warrior and the faith in something Beyond.

Blessings,

If you’d like to support what I do and get some really cool decorations for your wonderful home, check out my Shop! All artworks are made by me, framed and numbered, and they represent the sacred heights of beauty to which I aspire.

This particular print?

Find it Here

Welcome back. And welcome for the first time, if you’re new here. I recommend checking out the Archive: you might find something cool there. And remember the Substack app allows you to listen to these episodes, in case time is pulling at you.

It is my intention to make sure every episode is important and relevant. Think of it as a journey.

DOOM

So recently I’ve been journeying through Hell.

And it’s not just a metaphor. But what is Hell?

Hell, like Heaven, is a state of consciousness. As everything is. In the past six years or so I began to notice a fascinating correlation between my inner state and whatever type of media (book, movie, videogame) I happen to be exploring at any given time. The two are always connected in ways that go beyond my cognitive input (I do not choose it consciously).

I’ve been delving into the world of DOOM, partly out of curiosity for its fame as a classic and genre-defining experience. And partly because I guess I was supposed to, I don’t know why.

For those who don’t know, DOOM is a videogame first released in 1993, a year before my birth. It became an almost instant classic, and paved the way for the future of first-person-shooting games. In some sense, it’s like a classic book… hm, well maybe it’s not quite the right analogy.

DOOM is about… shooting demons. Essentially. It doesn’t feature much of a story, but the gist of it is that a research base on Mars is invaded by unfriendly demons from Hell. The protagonist/player finds weapons and shoots everything, until they make their way to actual Hell, where they battle increasingly more powerful and numerous demons until they confront the biggest of them all. The first game ends with the player returning home to Earth, only to find the demons have made it there already and the whole place is burning down.

Why am I telling you this?

In 2016 the folks over at Bethesda created a remake of this game, featuring an expanded storyline and fancy, modern graphics and effects. Here the idea is, again, shooting demons. But now there’s a few extra stuff added, including some more details about what ‘Hell’ actually is.

So what is Hell?

In this context, Hell is described as an alien dimension that continuously ‘expands’ by conquering other worlds and its inhabitants. It’s like a growing extra-dimensional plague. The player, this time around, is the Doom-Slayer: an immortal warrior who doesn’t speak or give much of a f*** about what Hell is. He has big guns and he uses them to kill every demon that stands in his way.

You might think this isn’t a very intellectual approach. And you’d be right. It’s not. But it’s useful.

What’s your Attitude?

Hell is a state of mind. It’s not fire and brimstone. And yet… in some sense it is. It’s not eternal. And yet… in some sense it is. It’s not filled with demons poking at you. And yet… in some sense it is.

Anyone who has experienced the pits of depression, despair and hopelessness can assert, with some degree of certainty, that Hell is precisely all those things. It’s fiery and hot and intense, because that’s the best ways to describe pain. And it’s filled with demons because that’s the best word to indicate negative self-punishing thoughts and ‘inner voices’ that speak of guilt, hatred and despair. And it’s eternal because it feels like it. Because all states of mind feel like they last forever.

I’ve been wrestling with this for much of the past two years (and maybe longer).

On one hand, I am fascinated by it. I think this curiosity is what keeps me sane, productive and active. I am fascinated by the darkness of Hell. I think I always have been, and it’s easy for me to transmute this into art, writings and stories. There is much to study and explore in Hell.

Another thing that really helps me profoundly is Mythology. ALL Mythology talks about journeys into the Underworld. Be it Orpheus in Hades or Xbalanque in Xibalba. Or Jesus in the desert. This isn’t optional. It’s part of the spiritual path and, if anyone ever thought that ‘getting spiritual’ is about escaping this, well, good luck with that.

But unlike a depression built on the foundations of atheism and materialism, a journey through Hades feels difficult, but also meaningful. It feels right. It feels more like an adventure. It’s incredibly scary and exhausting, probably like Odysseus’ journey also was. And there’s no certainty of ever reaching Ithaca.

Which is why I mentioned DOOM.

The Doom-Slayer is a force of nature itself, just like the demons of Hell. He courageously leaps into its fiery pits without thinking or wondering if he’ll ever get out. The hordes that appear before him are no joke: they are massive, endless, frightening demons. But he doesn’t stop or waver. He simply acts and moves forward.

The forces of Hell can’t be reasoned with. You can’t talk (OR THINK!) your way out. But there is an ‘other side’. The only problem is you have to go through it to reach it. And unfortunately what’s missing in the modern age (or perhaps in all ages) is the attitude of the Warrior.

There is absolutely no way through Hell without this.

But don’t make this Mistake

You may be tempted to think you should fight the darkness. That’s not what I’m saying. The attitude of the Warrior is one of courage and willingness to confront, not wave your arms through the chaos, punching ghosts and traumas. This would imply that Hell is somehow ‘wrong’ and should be defeated. It’s not wrong, it’s part of the journey.

Remember that Elysium can only be reached through Hades.

What I’m suggesting is what all Sages and teachers have always suggested, and with such simplicity that it’s hard to believe: that you should stand before every sensation and emotion that arises in your body (field of experience) and get curious about them, beyond the mind’s labels. Beyond all Language. Try and experience each sensation as if for the first time.

Conclusion

I’ve been writing about this journey for a long time, especially in my series on masculine psychology, which you can find HERE. In it, I look at precisely this archetype in relation to popular characters in media.

Seen in this lens, DOOM is, in some sense, a digital myth. It lingers in the background of our digital media world and jumps up when needed.

More on this subject about battling demons in Episode 5.

More to come.

Blessings,

Curious about an actual Journey? Check out my latest Book: Dreamwalker - an illustrated novel featuring over 30 original artworks, experimental design and a journey through dreams, memory and music.

Find Dreamwalker Here

Hope you’ve been doing well. Stay warm.

I was thinking a lot about AI stuff recently, and would love to know what your opinions are. As a test, I’ve asked the Chatty-friend to generate a little bonfire image for us:

This is more or less how I pictured the environment I’ve been trying to establish with you here. I think the image looks pretty good, but that doesn’t mean there aren’t other ways or styles of making something like this, without AI. I was thinking of doing one myself, in a more experimental style.

But what do you think? How do you feel about AI-generated art?

I honestly don’t know what to think, but I do know that I care about respecting you, and as part of this I will treat you the same way I’d like to be treated: with transparency and truth. I will always caption and indicate what you’re looking at in this space. There shall be no amount of pixels catching your retinas that are there ‘just because’. No image that is un-sacred. No word is spoken or written without purpose.

Language is important. Trust is important. And, as humans, we need language to establish trust between us.

Why is this important, moving forward?

You may have noticed the new Google’s VEO model that now creates ultra-realistic videos. Impressive. But what does it mean?

It means soon anyone can create an entire life-like movie with a few clicks, no actors or sound designers or musicians or camera-people required. And what does that mean?

God only knows.

How should you feel about it? How should anyone? I don’t know. But feel free to share your opinion in the comments: I’d honestly like to hear it. Many people weren’t too happy with the idea from what I’ve noticed.

I think fundamentally we despise not knowing what we’re looking at, or why are we even supposed to care. The question is: what are you supposed to care about, anymore?

And many echo the same worry: how can you tell what’s real anymore? How can you trust the news? Is there a war? Isn’t there? Is the economy crashing? It isn’t? Is there any such thing as ‘Antarctica’? How do you know? Have you ever been there? Is the Earth a sphere? How do you know? You saw pictures of it and NASA documentaries? Do you just believe it because everyone else does? What if the world is flat, on top of a turtle? It could be.

But it doesn’t matter, right? Because at the end of the day all this is inconsequential data. But that still doesn’t save us from the likely incoming wave of unparalleled confusion. And in this great ocean, I think, there will be a requirement for some sort of trust and stability, because the need for basic human connection is the same as it was a million years ago.

My Commitment to you, as an Artist

Unlike traditional artists, I make digital art. This is a bit more tricky, because with AI everywhere, it will soon mean that you won’t be able to trust whatever’s happening on the screen in front of you. The danger is that it will all become some sort of unintelligible mess.

However, this also affords us an opportunity. This will also mean that the relationship between You and whatever creator/artist you follow must evolve. It must be based on trust, and trust is earned. I can’t speak for others, but this is what I can promise you.

1. I make all my Art on Photoshop. I love doing it and I’ve been doing it for over a decade. I will not stop doing it, and obviously I’d like to keep sharing it with you, which means it’s my responsibility to inform you, always, what it is you’re looking at. As such, I will always caption all the images I share here or on my Blog.

2. Everything I write here and in my Books, I write myself by listening to whatever the Unconscious has to say. I don’t use AI to write to copy and paste things. Now that said, not using ChatGPT for polishing and editing would be silly: the damn thing is incredible. So of course I make use of it, and this is how: research, cognitive development, editing, polishing. I do not copy&paste. It’s important for me to state this.

3. This place, alongside all my creative work, is about exploring my soul and the Unconscious and sharing what I find with you. AI is an excellent tool in doing this, but it doesn’t replace it (although others may state differently). I place great value in original creative endeavour and I want to make sure that’s what you get.

Now: others can state the same and yet deceive you. Of course that could happen. Maybe all of this has been written by ChatGPT and I don’t even exist! So a certain leap of faith is required. Which is why, beyond all words and statements I (or others) can make, you must use your own intuition.

Listen to your gut feeling. To your heart. If something is off, run. Don’t look back. Find treasure elsewhere. Do your diligent research.

You ARE NOT a mindless consumer. I will never treat you that way. I will never treat you as just some kind of ‘client’ that can’t distinguish left from right and will simply passively consume whatever. I hate the idea of the endless noise, and what I would like to create here is the opposite.

Demand Truth

This is a sacred space. It is a bonfire in a dark clearing, surrounded by tall, endless forests. A place of silence, contemplation and mystical initiation. Likewise, I don’t want to ‘sell’ you my art, but by the Gods, it seems some sort of currency exchange still exists (until it won’t) and therefore we all have bills to pay and food costs money. Therefore, I will ask you to consider a sacred exchange but I’d like to change the language.

It’s not a ‘service to user’ or a ‘product to consumer’ - it’s an exchange of soul. I have always intended my art prints to be sacred items, and artistically I’ve always loved the idea of Christian Ikons, quite popular in the East where I come from. That’s a topic for later, but that feeling of imbuing an object with holy energy is what I aim to do.

Of course I ask for your trust. And I take responsibility for breaking it, should that ever happen. This is necessary. As AI evolves, it will be difficult for us to distinguish truth from falsehood. A new level of cognitive development is required.

You will Have to Demand Truth.

Because if you don’t, many will assume you do not care. That you will buy the new movie or phone or book or whatever because you just can’t help yourself. Because you’re a mindless robot and exists just for your wallet, easily hypnotized by good marketing.

Art Spotlight: E NOMINE

I have another obscure musical band for you today. This is ‘E Nomine’ a German musical project from the 90s led by Christian Weller and Friedrich Graner. Basically it’s a mix between techno and Gregorian chanting - absolute genius! I discovered them in my teenage years and their music has been a good companion throughout my life.

The project had ended in 2008 after releasing 4 incredible albums. But then, in 2023, the mad lads returned with re-releases of their music on Spotify, re-orchestrating all their albums in HD. I was thrilled.

I actually contacted Mr.Graner for an interview but he refused ): Maybe one day.

It’s hard to describe their music, but imagine something like a really cool Gothic mass inside a nightclub. If the concept appeals to you, try it out. My favourite tracks are:

• Mysteria

• Der Blaubeermund

• Vater Unser (probably their most popular track, and the first I ever found)

Now: their remastered albums quite clearly use AI-generated art for the cover. I remember when I first saw this I was quite disappointed. They look okay I guess, but I could’ve done a better job if they’d hired me because I absolutely love the vibe of their music. I have a feeling their album cover art won’t age as well as their original ones.

But what the hell do I know, huh.

New Art this Week: Maya God

Got a new artwork done this week. Suppose I don’t have to mention it’s not AI. This is another one of my ongoing series of art on mythology, inspired by the designs from the videogame SMITE.

This is Cabrakan, Maya God of Earthquakes and Mountains.

This artwork has been created on Photoshop, using an external 3D software for the model reference, which I then took and painted over. In some sense, it’s a mixed media, entirely digital.

I’ve included this in a print bundle which you can find HERE. These bundles are printed by me (no print-on-demand) on special, high-quality, metallic paper.

The artworks are united by the frame, which creates the idea of a collection, so they look really good to display side-by-side on your favourite, sacred wall.

Conclusion

Thanks for reaching this point. I do care a lot about this connection and want to make sure we can figure things out together, otherwise the danger is unintelligible chaos and noise. So here’s another question for you:

Blessings,

Hope you’re doing well and are staying close to the fire. It’s been warm lately, but never during the night.

If you’re new here: you are very welcome around the campfire. You may not see them (because it’s dark) but there are bright souls all around you.

“The dream is the small hidden door in the deepest and most intimate sanctum of the soul, which opens to that primeval cosmic night that was soul long before there was conscious ego and will be soul far beyond what a conscious ego could ever reach.” (C.Jung)

What are Dreams?

Please check out the last two episodes if you haven’t done so already: I delve deeply into my personal experience with lucid dreaming, what they are and what they taught me.

If there’s anything you’d like me to cover on this or other topics, please feel free to let me know. You can do so by checking out the poll at the end of this post. On the Substack app you can also Listen to this whole thing instead of reading it, which is a different kind of experience, but useful to those pressed for time, as I’m sure many of you are.

Now, back to dreams. Most people in the modern psychoanalytical field of study argue for the idea that Dreams are Symbols. Jung himself was exceedingly occupied with this concept and dream interpretation was a huge part of his work with patients. He is quoted as saying:

“We have forgotten the age-old fact that God speaks chiefly through dreams and visions.”

Don’t be put off by his use of terminology. It’s likely that, in this context, we can see ‘God’ as being in very close association with the idea of the ‘Collective Unconscious’. You can call it whatever you like, but he is saying that Dreams are a method of communication between your conscious self and your deeper self.

Why is this so?

Because dreams are images, obviously. You are living out theatrical, dramatic events and experiences that mean something. While language can be misinterpreted (and is extremely limited) because words are symbols themselves, images that arouse an emotional response are a lot more direct and tailored specifically to you.

Decoding them may not always be easy and immediate - this is likely because the mind is drowned out by noise and language in its daily operations. So much so that it has started to mistake Reality for Language and not see Language itself anymore.

I made this point in previous episodes, but I shall repeat it again: there is no such thing as a ‘tree’ (or a table or whatever). A ‘tree’ is a word and a word is a symbol that points to a collection of various phenomena. In this sense, a ‘tree’ is not a tree. The tree is there in front of you, but the word is only in the mind.

It’s a bit difficult to wrap your head around this because we are trapped in the need to use language to communicate. It’s not evil, it’s not a conspiracy theory and you’re not trapped in any Matrix. But if you really wish to know Reality or Truth, you must become intimate with it. And in order to do that you must go beyond language.

This is the true nature of the spiritual quest - it’s not about summoning fairies or astral projecting yourself out of here. What is beyond language? What is beyond the word ‘tree’? You may notice that you don’t know. And that, in fact, is the whole point: the mind can’t know anything, it can only know ‘about’ something.

There is more to say on this, but let’s take it slowly, one step at a time.

What is it like to write a Book?

My second novel, Dreamwalker, has just released! I’ve been working on this for just over two years and it’s been a rollercoaster of various emotions, some of which have naturally become part of it.

So far I have written four books and a lot of shorter stories. Only three of these books focus on completely original fiction, so I’ll focus on that. The rest of my work involves so-called ‘fanfiction’, specifically in the universe of World of Warcraft, which I have loved since I was a child and enjoy exploring to this day.

If you’re curious, a huge project was ‘Rise of the Blood God’ (2021), a mostly original tale within the boundaries of this world, and you can find it Here, entirely free. There’s lots I can say about that one, but this is not yet quite the time.

My other books encompass a narrative I’ve been building since I was a teenager. My greatest inspirations at the time were manga and anime, specifically stuff like ‘Naruto’ or ‘Death Note’ or ‘Fullmetal Alchemist’ and many other stories that combined powerful character drama with deep, intriguing concepts.

Anime characters, when done well, are always symbols for some sort of philosophical or moral idea that clashes with another. In this sense, they are extremely layered stories: on one hand you see two teenagers flying through the air and throwing stupidly large weapons at each other, but on another layer it’s really a battle of ideas and dreams.

It was this layered approach that has always inspired me. And no, I have not written ‘anime’ books, but it’s hard to deny that the foundations for my novels are found there. Additionally, I illustrate all my books and my art style has manga at its foundations (and manga itself has traditional Japanese art at its foundations, which is a topic I want to explore further down the line).

Writing a book is a process of exploration. It’s also a process of creation. In some sense I could say: ‘Writing is the creation of discovery.’

It’s not just discovering these characters and ideas as they emerge from the Unconscious - it’s about structuring them into a logical, cohesive narrative with a beginning, middle and end.

But simultaneously, the process also involves allowing these characters (and any writer will tell you the characters are extremely real) to just do their own thing. The more you try to force them to do and act in ways that serve your plot, the more they shrivel and die (or sometimes they rebel), much like living, breathing people. And so it’s about getting to know them intimately and trying to understand them.

Sometimes they move and act and do their thing without your conscious input. Then you just watch and you write what you see. This is the magic of art itself and is what gave rise to my entire brand and this whole thing I’m doing here, with the exploration of the Unconscious. This stuff fascinates me to no end.

Stephen King has a wonderful book on this topic called ‘On Writing’ (2000). In it, he describes the job of the writer as that of an archaeologist, unearthing buried artefacts. All artists in fact, are explorers. And we know that our greatest joy comes from that inner movement, not knowing what’s around the corner.

Here’s what he has to say about this:

“Writing isn't about making money, getting famous, getting dates, getting laid, or making friends. In the end, it's about enriching the lives of those who will read your work, and enriching your own life, as well. It's about getting up, getting well, and getting over. Getting happy, okay? Getting happy.”

This book is legit and it’s part of my list of the best, most transformative books I’ve ever read, which I explore Here.

He also says:

“Your job isn't to find these ideas but to recognize them when they show up.”

All writers write the books they want to read. It cannot be any other way. But they are also my love letter to Art and Imagination, and in my view these are part of, or indistinguishable, from the Divine.

So in some sense, all my books are dedicated to the Divine because the Divine gives birth to them. In another sense, they are God’s gift to me. And here things start to get blurry, as they should.

But they are also my gift to you and they are dedicated to you. It could also not be any other way, because that awareness behind your eyes which reads them is exactly the same. This is a grand, continuous process of the Invisible becoming Visible. Though the modern world fails to recognise this, when we share Art with each other, we are engaged in a sacred dance.

On Pricing and Formats

Dreamwalker releases in three versions: Ebook, Paperback and Hardback.

Here’s some pictures of the Hardback:

Due to the cost of production, the size of the book and the fact it contains over 30 original full-page colour illustrations, the Hardback edition is priced as an Art Book rather than a novel, far surpassing the market price for most books in the same genre. It is, in many ways, a piece of art that takes the shape of a ‘book’.

• The Ebook contains just the story with no art whatsoever, and is the ideal version if you’re just interested in the story for its own sake.

• The Paperback meanwhile, contains all the art, illustrations and design elements as intended.

• The Hardback version is the definitive experience, with an enhanced cover design, premium ink colour and an additional bonus section at the end of the book which showcases concept art, insights and reflections on the cast of characters as well as the process of writing and designing them (think of a mix between a novel, an art book and a videogame concept-art sheet).

Find Dreamwalker Here!

I should also mention that, again, I do NOT use AI-generated Art and I’m not selling you an AI-generated art book. There are a few small instances where AI has been used and integrated into one or two illustrations, but precise details about this are included in the book.

I despise the idea of throwing something at you without fully explaining what it is and how it got made. Technique, as the Greeks would say, remains fundamental and the price of something should reflect imagination, creativity, design, effort and intention.

Art is SACRED and I will hammer down this point until the day I join my ancestors in Valhalla (if I make it there): Art is Divine. It is a Symbol for a connection between mankind and the Gods, a bridge between the visible and the Invisible.

Do not squander it. Do not cheapen it. Do not take it for granted.

You can find my gallery HERE, should you wish to get to know my art journey across the past two decades. I love experimenting with various styles as well as combining 2D with 3D. Some of this is also part of the book.

Conclusion

Thank you for making it here. I have a lot more to share soon, but I’d also like to know what you’d like to see from me. So I’ve made a little poll, and you’re invited to click away your suggestions:

Hope you’re doing well. Stay close to the fire. The night is long and dawn seems very, very far away. The only thing we can do in the darkness is dream.

If you’re new here, welcome to the fireside. I recommend you check out the Archive. Maybe you’ll find something interesting in there.

More Dreaming

This is a continuation of Part I because there’s more to say about dreams, especially given the upcoming release of my second Book! I’ve already discussed some speculations about lucid dreaming and given some examples.

One aspect of dreaming that needs more attention is the concept of Memory.

Now you may notice that every time you wake up in the morning the first thing that happens is a recollection of not only yesterday, but most of the past weeks, months and years. This memory databank forms what is your identity, alongside your name, age, status, location, etc. After you take this memory for granted, assuming ‘it’s always been there’, you carry on with your day.

You may be tempted to think that you can easily tell the difference between dreams and so-called ‘reality’ by noticing the presence of memory. Dreams don’t have memory: you simply follow some kind of ongoing script or scene.

But this isn’t true either, not in every case.

Let’s go on a journey together

While 80% of my dreaming experiences can be said to be without memory and completely unconscious, there are a few examples that stand out because there is memory, but a completely different one. I had several dreams in which I visited locations (sometimes more than once) that were profoundly familiar. Some were cities, some were natural places.

There’s one which really stands out to me because inside this example memory gets really confused. There is a location I visited multiple times in several dreams. Now what’s really strange is that while being there in the dream I remember having visited the place, but I can’t say for sure whether I remembered ‘another dream of that place’ or visiting the place in the context of that world. Basically the boundaries between one life (the dreaming life) and the ‘waking life’ were completely blurred.

This location was some sort of a giant building that I knew as an ‘observatory’ - some sort of place where you watch the stars, maybe? I’m not sure. It’s located somewhere on top of a green hill surrounded by more beautiful nature everywhere and I also know that it’s somewhere outside of a city. What or where is this city I couldn’t tell but every time I found myself there I knew the place.

What is inside this observatory? I don’t know. Sometimes people visit. It’s quite a big place and looks somewhat like a temple with metallic copper colours. I’ve never actually ‘observed’ anything from it, but the location has always stuck with me because, unlike other dream locations, this one seems very much real, but existing on some other dimension.

The Second Location: My favourite Restaurant

The second location that carries the weight of memory is a restaurant that serves fish and seafood, located somewhere ‘down a street’ - this street is located at the outskirts of a big, sunny city. I am certain I’ve been there more than once.

The restaurant has beautifully decorated walls with white and black textures. It’s really big too, with multiple rooms and I remember it being full of people. Every time I was there I simply explored around and, as far as I can remember, I don’t think I actually sat down to eat, which is pretty sad but, hey, maybe one day I will.

This dream, like the previous, is not lucid (I was not aware I was dreaming) but they both carry this incredibly powerful sense of memory and ‘reality’, as if these locations are not only real, but very familiar to me, in the same way your downtown is.

(I tried to use AI to generate something similar but I can’t figure out the right prompts for this so instead here’s some nice seafood, but pixel-art style):

What can we infer from all this? Frankly, it’s as mysterious as consciousness itself. If a completely different memory databank can exist elsewhere, then what would be the difference between dreaming life and this life?

This question was answered in another, extremely profound, vivid lucid dream I had in 2017.

Below is a description:

The Most powerful Lucid Dream

I was involved in some sort of scene, but became spontaneously lucid. By this point in my dreaming journey, I’d had several lucid dreams already, and so was a little better prepared. Knowing that time was short, I asked the dream to bring forward my personal ‘spirit guide’.

You may or may not be familiar with this concept. It’s a bit New Agey in many ways, but is part of the modern re-interpretations of folk and traditional ancient wisdom. According to his, it is believed that you, as an individual, have a set of spirit guides who know you very well and have agreed to help you out during this present incarnation as a human. All you have to do is ask for their help.

Is this true? Well, I’ve no idea, but I thought there was no better place to test it out than in this dream. And so I asked.

And someone appeared.

He was a young man, maybe in his twenties, short dark hair and white t-shirt. A very normal, friendly guy. Except nothing about this was normal: because I KNEW him.

Knowing

I’ve never quite felt anything remotely similar since that lucid dream. There was a sense of complete obviousness and familiarity about this person. I knew he was my guide in the same way you know that grass is green. There was no ‘remembering’, no confusion, no realisation - just complete familiarity. The only thought I remember having was ‘oh, of course it’s you.’

But who was he? I don’t know. Clearly, my present memory data doesn’t contain that information but there is another, somewhere, that does.

Anyway, back to the Dream. Given the presence of a spiritual guide who, ideally, knows stuff, I asked him: ‘What are Dreams?’

He replied not with words, but in some sense telepathically because it felt like my mind was interpreting his answer by translating it into language. This translation said something like:

“There are no such things as ‘Dreams’. What you call ‘Dreams’ are just different layers, closer to the Core.”

What’s a ‘Core’? I think he meant the ‘Core of Reality’, but that’s not an answer either and I’m also sure that word was just the closest thing my human mind could come up with in translation.

Anyway, his answer was extremely pertinent. Of course there’s no such things as ‘Dreams’. It’s just a word, another of the many labels we use to distinguish one set of experiences from another.

I haven’t seen my guide since that dream, but given my experience with dreaming, I can say with some degree of certainty that I did not ‘make him up’. Unless, of course, I made everything up, including you. Or maybe you made me up?

In which case, well, you did a pretty fine job.

Conclusion

As I already stated in the previous episode, we can’t understand Dreams because we’d need to understand ‘Wakefulness’ first, and we don’t. The two experiences are actually not distinct at all. The degree of quality in the environment is completely equal (I’ve tested it personally).

However there are some differences in the types of experiences available, suggesting that, if nothing else, one is more fluid (dreaming) and the other more ‘solid’ (this life).

One extremely important thing to notice however, is that in both you experience the senses. Reflect on that for a moment, and on the stories you’ve been told about ‘the Body’ and how ‘the body experiences the senses’. If you contemplate this with some seriousness you may start to notice that you don’t need a body to experience senses, because ultimately, like dreams, there is no such thing.

Heh. Quite the mindfuck, right?

Thank you for joining me on this trip. I’ve never shared these dreams publicly until now, and I hope you’ll treat these stories with respect as they are, quite literally, the most intimate of things.

More to come.

Blessings,

BONUS REMINDER: DREAMWALKER

My Second Book releases 25.05.25. MORE INFO HERE

Why not check out some Art for your beautiful Home? Everything is created by me with care, dedication and a love for the Sacred.

I see new faces among you. If you’re new here, welcome, stay close to the fire. It’s warm, and the night is long, with no dawn in sight.

I recommend you check out the Archive: you may find something interesting in there.

Let’s Dream

Given the upcoming release of my second book, Dreamwalker, I wanted to take some time to discuss a related topic: dreams and lucid dreaming. This has been a fascinating, and very poorly understood topic for many. Though there are books and courses you can find online on the topic, I think lucid dreaming remains part of those vast territories of the Unconscious that remain mysterious and mostly unexplored.

I discovered lucid dreaming over a decade ago, and it was one of the topics, alongside out-of-body travel (or astral projection), that first introduced me to the wider mysteries of what consciousness is capable of, and pulled me into spirituality. Though my path has changed considerably over the years, these topics were my introduction because they were wild and deeply intriguing to my teenage mind.

What is Lucid Dreaming?

To answer this question would require knowing what the hell ‘Dreaming’ even is. Frankly, we don’t have a pertinent answer to this question, because it would imply knowing what ‘being awake’ means, or what this life is - both, upon serious consideration, are questions without answers.

In order to not get stuck on philosophy I suppose we have to make some assumptions, so let’s just go with the accepted paradigm and carry on. Lucid dreaming is the ability to acquire lucidity and a sense of identity within a dream scenario, that would allow you, as the dreamer, to realise you are in a dream.

Now this… in itself is one of the most spiritual concepts you can possibly imagine, not least because, well, you can layer it on top of waking life and understand the idea of ‘Enlightenment’ in the same way. They don’t call it ‘Awakening’ for no reason - but let’s not get carry on.

Normally in dreams you simply find yourself in some world or scenario, doing things and acting out some narrative without questioning it. Kind of like…in life. I suppose one may assume the difference is in Memory - waking life has the memory of yesterday and most of the years of your life, while dreams seemingly only have a narrative.

Eeeeeehhhhh… that’s also questionable and I get giddy considering this, but I’ll try not to get carry on.

Anyway, through the use of techniques and practice, one can acquire Lucidity in a dream, waking up inside the dream, and realise the astounding possibilities that exist there: you are now free to do whatever you wish, with no consequences.

My Lucid Dreams

Ironically enough, my relationship with dreaming has been quite poor in the past decade, likely due to my regular consumption of weed, which has brough me great creative benefits, at the detriment of REM sleep, and therefore dreaming. I’ve not had any lucid dreams in recent memory, and I haven’t been practicing either.

But in my teenage years, when I first began to delve in this adventure and keep a regular practice of dream journaling and conscious practice in waking life, I had a few experiences that were profoundly transformative.

Acquiring lucidity in dreams is… incredible. There’s a sense of profound liberation, joy and ecstasy when you do it (which again is quite telling) and there is a sense of excitement at the limitless possibilities that await you. Unfortunately, too much excitement is what will take you out of the experience and back into unconsciousness. One must also remember to stay calm and centred, otherwise the experience is very short lived.

It’s difficult.

I remember one of my first lucid dreams I saw the inherent beauty of everything that surrounded me, including a friend I was with (a person who was just a dream character). I told him how beautiful he was and that I loved him. He didn’t take it well - he started screaming and ran away. I don’t know why.

In another instance, I found myself inside a bar filled with people. I told everyone that this is just a dream and they don’t actually exist. That didn’t go well either - much like in waking life, people don’t appreciate being told they’re unreal. They simply stared at me like I was some lunatic, quite understandably. I pressed further:

‘If you think you’re real,’ I said, ‘where were you before coming here?’

…

‘I was at home,’ someone replied.

But these are merely the first experiments everyone will do in their first attempts, sort of wasting time instead of properly using this super power. Acquiring lucidity in dreams would technically allow one to interact with the deepest parts of the unconscious, asking for profound revelations and meetings with archetypes. Jung would have a field day - actually he did.

One other thing I found profoundly fascinating, because it mirrors waking life especially well, is just how enslaved and unconscious we are to our primal instincts. It seems that no amount of lucidity can skip over proper training and self-mastery.

In this other example I became lucid and immediately realised I was very… uh, horny. And so, well, I was a God in that world, therefore proceeded to ehm… satisfy myself with a female dream character. It felt as if I was humping a piece of cardboard and I felt like an animal. The instinct ruled, but there was no pleasure or satisfaction, and my lucidity ended in the process.

While I’m not very proud of this, it did show me just how powerful our animal instincts are, and how deeply linked they are to a state of unconsciousness. Following base desires (or, as Buddha would say, attachments/desires in general) keeps us trapped in Samsara.

Now Samsara is often interpreted as the cycle of death and rebirth, but I think it could also point to the cycle of night/day that rules our lives. We go to sleep and we wake up, and this cyclical transition marks what we call ‘day’. In some sense, we die every night and are reborn every morning. Yesterday becomes part of the memory that makes up your identity, while tomorrow becomes your goal.

Both are illusions, in a sense.

But I’m gettin’ carried away again - the point is that Lucid Dreaming seems to point to increased awareness that can only be realised through discipline and self-mastery. You cannot both be lucid/enlightened and also go around satisfying your ego cravings. There are rules in consciousness and I think this is one of them - some kind of fail-safe mechanism to keep the Ego in check and prevent the complete disaster a God-Delusion would bring.

I mean, imagine a 6-year old with Superman’s powers: disaster would be too kind a word.

Jung himself and many others stated there is NOTHING more dangerous than an Ego who believes it has acquired Divine status. In theological terms, this is the ultimate evil, the most dangerous thing. And this is also why I said what I said in the Previous Episode.

Conclusion

You may ask yourself ‘How do I get to do this lucid thing?’ or ‘what are the techniques?’

Well, for this you have to wait and keep an eye out for more episodes. There’s a lot more to say on this topic.

Blessings,

BONUS REMINDER: DREAMWALKER

My Second Book releases 25.05.25. MORE INFO HERE

Why not check out some Art for your beautiful Home? Everything is created by me with care, dedication and a love for the Sacred.

Hope you’ve been feeling well.

Today I wanted to discuss something that keeps coming back, again and again. I already discussed a similar topic in Episode 4 and Episode 8. But the topic keeps returning: how do you deal with a world that’s poised against you?

No, scratch that. Let’s rewrite it: how do you deal with the perception that the world is against you?

And we could rewrite it again: how do you deal with perception?

Ah, now things have changed again.

AI Steals your Job and you become Homeless (or some such)

So the other day I was caught in a loop of watching Youtube videos about how AI is making us all stupid and is destroying the internet itself. It basically stated how the internet used to be a sanctuary for human creativity, until the past year or so. Since then, everything is filled with AI-generated stuff, including text and countless images.

This has resulted in endless noise. Because of this tidal-wave of noise, nobody can hear anything anymore. And this also has resulted in nobody caring anymore. I suppose if the world was to be hit by a thousand meteors tomorrow, many people would sigh with relief and smile peacefully content that it’s all over.

This strange, (new?) psychological phenomenon implies a complete and utter hatred for the world, the system and humanity in general. A hatred boiling under the surface. Maybe it’s not new - I don’t know.

But the point is that everyone on Youtube has some idea and opinion about it. And the algorithm kept feeding me, extremely quickly, more content on the topic: AI bad - you are screwed. You are hopeless? An artist? Good luck making any kind of income. The world doesn’t need artists anymore. Or writers.

Or… coders? Models? Programmers? Maybe it still needs chefs - at least until we can figure out a way to make ChatGPT into a nice machine that just needs raw ingredients to produce the best possible bread. Then all the chefs can go home too.

Like so:

(notice how it added a nice little wooden board underneath for the rustic feel without me specifying it)

The Binary

It sounds as if I’m bitter about it all, but I’m just reproducing the general sentiment of these videos. It’s easy to get caught in a strange kind of hopelessness because the Mind is simply incapable of figuring a way out using the methods it has so far acquired.

The mind’s solutions to problems are simply not enough anymore.

But notice how without its learned solutions and methods the mind automatically goes to believe in complete disaster, loss and doom. Essentially it’s binary: if this doesn’t happen then automatically this happens.

The Solution?

Ah… I don’t know, man.

But there’s something off about the whole thing. There’s just something off with the interpretation of all this. And I can’t yet put my finger on it. It’s too binary - too black and white. Too limited, constricted and painful.

If the mind is unable to come up with a solution to all this, there’s only one thing left to do: you give up.

I’m serious. You just give up. You surrender to something greater than you because You is simply not enough. And if you really believe that’s bullshit and think you’re enough, notice how you live every moment of your life: do you live it as if you were enough? Then what are you striving for?

This is not a defeatist, depressing idea. It implies honesty with yourself. The prevailing attitude is one of complete self-reliance mixed with self-hatred. Shame and guilt assail most minds on a daily basis, and yet somehow you’re expected to crawl out of this ‘through your own efforts’.

“Your responsibility. Your power. Empower yourself. Independence. It’s all on you. Hustle, work harder, build your brand, take the world in your hands. Manifest. Make it happen. Don’t wait.”

These are not wrong beliefs - but they’re also incredibly modern. They are the fruit of an industrialized world and a mind raised inside towering, artificial cities. For some, they are correct and should be followed. For a time, perhaps, they are useful. But what happens when they stop being enough?

Imagine a flower that’s told it doesn’t need a bee, or the other way around. There’s something twisted about the whole thing, because upon close observation you will find, of course, that a flower and a bee are not separate entities. They’re one thing, appearing as two.

Conclusion

I think this is where something transcendent is required. Some sort of faith in something greater that replaces absolute and total reliance on the self. Because man, the self is tired.

You don’t have to call it ‘God’ or the ‘Universe’ or whatever. You call and summon it by whatever name you wish. But notice that if you really start looking deeply into all this, ancient texts, philosophy and Scriptures point the way, like signposts. Don’t choose one over the other unless you feel a strong pull in any direction (in which case you should follow it). The Bible has some great examples, but so does Buddhism and Hinduism. Zen is one of my personal favourites, but the ancient Greek philosophers have no shortage of strong guidance too.

I got a list of really awesome books that have personally transformed my life. You can check it out Here.

One of the books I mention is my own personal manual for life, which has been my constant companion for over a decade: ‘Letting Go’ by D.Hawkins. This is not just a book, it’s a revelation. It shows you how and why you should surrender emotions/energy trapped in your body, and what the effects of surrender can be on your life. If you’ve never tasted the practical benefits of meditation or spiritual practice, this book can be your introduction to that.

Hawkins work has been my personal manual and guide on the spiritual path - he’s a no-bs voice on practical spirituality mixed with psychology and theology. He explains exactly what God is, how it works, why it works, as well as what Enlightenment is, and he does it through practical, modern language and not esoteric terminology, which is what many Scriptures and mystical traditions are cloaked in.

More to come, so stay tuned.

Blessings,

BONUS REMINDER: DREAMWALKER

My Second Book is coming 25.05.25. MORE INFO HERE

Hey,

I know it’s early. This isn’t the usual Episode every Sunday, but a special announcement: my second novel, Dreamwalker, will release next month!

Like Meliade before it, Dreamwalker is a hybrid novel, merging original art, design and experimental layouts with a story set in the world established in my first book.

Set six months after the events of Meliade, this is the story of Franz Ansam, a Dreamwalker - a man crawling through minds, interacting with people's dreams. When tasked with helping a young woman recover her memory, Franz must battle not only her darkness but his own.

It's a fiery, intense story and one that pays tribute to ideas and characters that accompanied my journey for over a decade.

Above is a short animation I created as a trailer. The incredible musical track is called 'Thought Constructs' produced by Nahrendorf, and available Here.

Franz is a character introduced in Meliade in a secondary role. It was my intention to both explore his personal story, as well as continue the events established in Meliade. While I hope I’ve achieved something of both, Dreamwalker is mainly his story, focusing on his ability to appear inside people’s dreams, and his broken relationship with his father.

To those who read Meliade, not to worry: Avryll Rétierre also returns, this time as a secondary character. I’ve done my best to make sure her story also continues, though in a reduced role.

There’s another 5 characters that appear here, some of which had been planned or teased during Meliade. Others appeared straight from the Unconscious, completely unplanned but ready to go. It was a joy to get to meet them and I hope you’ll wish to experience the same journey.

More info soon and keep an eye on my Instagram for further updates.

Blessings,