Faith is the only Light in the darkness
Episode 30 - Moving home, difficulties and resilience through faith. Where have I been?
Hey,
Hope you’ve been well. I’ve been busy, somewhat detached, quite afraid, somewhat happy, excited and inspired. I have also been feeling intense dread, anticipation of loss, grief and a sense of death. All these things together, coexisting every day. To be human is challenging, to say the least.
I’ve been writing less but that doesn’t mean I’m giving up on this space. The bonfire is too important. And it won’t go out.
For dawn is nowhere near in sight.
The Update
So I’ve been going through a difficult time: after the past 5 years lived inside a beautiful, sacred space, I had recently received the news that it was going to be taken away from me. The flat I’ve been living in is getting sold and am forced to move. Already, it’s a huge blow.
What followed was checking out the market online and it began getting worse: frightening rent costs and a lack of quality, especially compared to where I’ve been living here. All doors seemed shut.
I really mean this: the sensation was like that of feeling trapped, with no way out. Forever. A dreadful feeling. Perhaps practically untrue, but emotionally very true. And so this sensation took over the majority of the space in my awareness, also having other consequences on my health and my artistic inspiration.
What does this mean?
I like to try and translate life into symbol. Why? Because it is a symbol. But also because symbols, by their definition, hide something underneath. There are deeper layers. And, in fact, that is what Reality is, I believe: an infinity of layers.
So this period was and still is extremely dark. And yet the fears that arise aren’t only mine, personally - they are collective: fear of rejection, fear of homelessness, fear of loss, fear of death, fear poverty, fear of isolation.
All these are ancient forces. We have always had them, collectively and individually. They are felt by everyone and seem part of the human experience and its entire span of untold, incomprehensible millennia. I am not the first to feel them and won’t be the last.
Which also means that these fears are mythological. If we translate it into symbols they can take the shape of an ancient darkness. It is a darkness because we can’t see beyond it. I can’t see beyond this point: where will I live? What will I do? Will I make it? Will I now begin to hate my life because I feel a victim of an event outside of my control? Do you see what I mean? These are all questions without answers and that’s when the mind begins to panic.
This is the darkness.
And the only way through such a tunnel is by finding a source of light.
I do also make art - why not have a look?
What is the source of Light?
The only light I find is faith. And here’s something incredibly controversial to say: “Faith in God.”
But just. What. the Hell. Does. That. Even. Mean?
What God? The Christian God? Why? What are you talking about?
Well let’s not jump to conclusions. It is hard even for me to translate what that means, without explaining what I mean by ‘God’ - a concept I’ve been… immersed in, for a long time now.
God, essentially, seems to be a… perspective. Not an entity. It’s more like a portal into Infinity. It is Infinity, and by definition it is reality itself, everything you see around you, from the sunshine, to your middle finger, to the beauty of a sunset, to your favourite chair. That’s a bit overly inclusive, isn’t it? But it couldn’t be otherwise, because if it was it wouldn’t be infinite.
Theologically, we could say, all nightmares and horrors (which are also experienced in reality) are distortions of our view of God or/and ourselves.
That’s already enough to try and wrap your mind around, and you shouldn’t even try. The concept is extremely huge and not entirely comprehensible, frankly. But this is where I’m at with that so far.
Regardless, faith is the connection to that idea. To have ‘faith in God’ means to place the mind on a focus of conscious intention towards the idea that its interpretations may be wrong. That they may just be fallacious. False.
Or Untrue.
Truth then becomes a synonym to God. This is symbolic language.
It means that Truth is the deeper perspective, the deeper truth, the truer reality. This truer reality is ultimately loving and profoundly safe. This is what ALL Scriptures say.
But the mind has trouble believing it, because its present experience is one of anxiety, dread and fear. But, you see, that’s the point. It has to be this way, because Faith as a Choice (choosing to believe) would not be possible. Faith has to be a choice and for the mind (you) to choose there has to be duality, or polarities of possibility (for example Heaven and Hell).
Conclusion
So where is all of this going? Well, I just wanted to share some thoughts with you, ultimately. I don’t know. I don’t know what will happen. But it sure as hell is interesting.
Beyond all pain, there is a deeper truth.
That I am evolving.
And so are you. Because we are One.
Blessings,
