Depression, Doom and the Descent
Episode 20 - Exploring Hell while handling the demons of depression
Hey,
Welcome back. And welcome for the first time, if you’re new here. I recommend checking out the Archive: you might find something cool there. And remember the Substack app allows you to listen to these episodes, in case time is pulling at you.
It is my intention to make sure every episode is important and relevant. Think of it as a journey.
DOOM
So recently I’ve been journeying through Hell.
And it’s not just a metaphor. But what is Hell?
Hell, like Heaven, is a state of consciousness. As everything is. In the past six years or so I began to notice a fascinating correlation between my inner state and whatever type of media (book, movie, videogame) I happen to be exploring at any given time. The two are always connected in ways that go beyond my cognitive input (I do not choose it consciously).
I’ve been delving into the world of DOOM, partly out of curiosity for its fame as a classic and genre-defining experience. And partly because I guess I was supposed to, I don’t know why.
For those who don’t know, DOOM is a videogame first released in 1993, a year before my birth. It became an almost instant classic, and paved the way for the future of first-person-shooting games. In some sense, it’s like a classic book… hm, well maybe it’s not quite the right analogy.
DOOM is about… shooting demons. Essentially. It doesn’t feature much of a story, but the gist of it is that a research base on Mars is invaded by unfriendly demons from Hell. The protagonist/player finds weapons and shoots everything, until they make their way to actual Hell, where they battle increasingly more powerful and numerous demons until they confront the biggest of them all. The first game ends with the player returning home to Earth, only to find the demons have made it there already and the whole place is burning down.
Why am I telling you this?
In 2016 the folks over at Bethesda created a remake of this game, featuring an expanded storyline and fancy, modern graphics and effects. Here the idea is, again, shooting demons. But now there’s a few extra stuff added, including some more details about what ‘Hell’ actually is.
So what is Hell?
In this context, Hell is described as an alien dimension that continuously ‘expands’ by conquering other worlds and its inhabitants. It’s like a growing extra-dimensional plague. The player, this time around, is the Doom-Slayer: an immortal warrior who doesn’t speak or give much of a f*** about what Hell is. He has big guns and he uses them to kill every demon that stands in his way.
You might think this isn’t a very intellectual approach. And you’d be right. It’s not. But it’s useful.
What’s your Attitude?
Hell is a state of mind. It’s not fire and brimstone. And yet… in some sense it is. It’s not eternal. And yet… in some sense it is. It’s not filled with demons poking at you. And yet… in some sense it is.
Anyone who has experienced the pits of depression, despair and hopelessness can assert, with some degree of certainty, that Hell is precisely all those things. It’s fiery and hot and intense, because that’s the best ways to describe pain. And it’s filled with demons because that’s the best word to indicate negative self-punishing thoughts and ‘inner voices’ that speak of guilt, hatred and despair. And it’s eternal because it feels like it. Because all states of mind feel like they last forever.
I’ve been wrestling with this for much of the past two years (and maybe longer).
On one hand, I am fascinated by it. I think this curiosity is what keeps me sane, productive and active. I am fascinated by the darkness of Hell. I think I always have been, and it’s easy for me to transmute this into art, writings and stories. There is much to study and explore in Hell.
Another thing that really helps me profoundly is Mythology. ALL Mythology talks about journeys into the Underworld. Be it Orpheus in Hades or Xbalanque in Xibalba. Or Jesus in the desert. This isn’t optional. It’s part of the spiritual path and, if anyone ever thought that ‘getting spiritual’ is about escaping this, well, good luck with that.
But unlike a depression built on the foundations of atheism and materialism, a journey through Hades feels difficult, but also meaningful. It feels right. It feels more like an adventure. It’s incredibly scary and exhausting, probably like Odysseus’ journey also was. And there’s no certainty of ever reaching Ithaca.
Which is why I mentioned DOOM.
The Doom-Slayer is a force of nature itself, just like the demons of Hell. He courageously leaps into its fiery pits without thinking or wondering if he’ll ever get out. The hordes that appear before him are no joke: they are massive, endless, frightening demons. But he doesn’t stop or waver. He simply acts and moves forward.
The forces of Hell can’t be reasoned with. You can’t talk (OR THINK!) your way out. But there is an ‘other side’. The only problem is you have to go through it to reach it. And unfortunately what’s missing in the modern age (or perhaps in all ages) is the attitude of the Warrior.
There is absolutely no way through Hell without this.
But don’t make this Mistake
You may be tempted to think you should fight the darkness. That’s not what I’m saying. The attitude of the Warrior is one of courage and willingness to confront, not wave your arms through the chaos, punching ghosts and traumas. This would imply that Hell is somehow ‘wrong’ and should be defeated. It’s not wrong, it’s part of the journey.
Remember that Elysium can only be reached through Hades.
What I’m suggesting is what all Sages and teachers have always suggested, and with such simplicity that it’s hard to believe: that you should stand before every sensation and emotion that arises in your body (field of experience) and get curious about them, beyond the mind’s labels. Beyond all Language. Try and experience each sensation as if for the first time.
Conclusion
I’ve been writing about this journey for a long time, especially in my series on masculine psychology, which you can find HERE. In it, I look at precisely this archetype in relation to popular characters in media.
Seen in this lens, DOOM is, in some sense, a digital myth. It lingers in the background of our digital media world and jumps up when needed.
More on this subject about battling demons in Episode 5.
More to come.
Blessings,
Curious about an actual Journey? Check out my latest Book: Dreamwalker - an illustrated novel featuring over 30 original artworks, experimental design and a journey through dreams, memory and music.
